Astro babble

Whether you believe in it or not, astrology has a huge fan base in China

For those with an open mind toward astrology, human society seems pretty simple. As long as they know someone's birthday, they can become experts on anyone: For example, Sagittarius is an adventurer, Pisces a dreamer or healer, and Capricorn a variable workaholic.

Horoscopes are staple reading material online. Posts on Tongdao Dashu, a Weibo account dedicated to the 12 zodiac signs, gets thousands of shares each, and the account has gained nearly 15 million followers since its creation in 2013. In 2016, the company behind this account sold 72.5 percent of its stake at a jaw-dropping value of over 200 million yuan ($29 million; 25 million euros; ￡23 million), which probably gives some clue about how popular astrology is in China.

 

But even those who are aware that there are more than just a dozen personality types in the world can't get enough of astrology talk. That's because, in many cases, the zodiac signs can be useful tools for socializing. Consider meeting a stranger for the first time: You don't want to get too personal, or ask cliched questions about the weather, so a conversation about their star sign can help break the ice.

A: What's your star sign?

Nǐ shì shén me xīng zuò de?

你是什么星座的？

B: I'm a Taurus.

Wǒ shì jīn niú zuò.

我是金牛座。

A: I heard that Tauruses are very good at managing financial matters. Is that true?

Tīng shuō jīn niú zuò de rén dōu hěn shàn cháng lǐ cái. Shì zhēn de ma?

听说金牛座的人都很擅长理财。是真的吗？

B: Not me. I always lose money in investments.

Wǒ jiù bù shàn cháng. Wǒ tóu zī zǒng shì péi qián.

我就不擅长。我投资总是赔钱。

Talking about star signs might even be a shortcut to best-friendship:

A: You are a Gemini? That's great!

Nǐ shì shuāng zǐ zuò? Tài hǎo le!

你是双子座？太好了！

B: Why?

Wèi shén me?

为什么？

A: I'm a Sagittarius. It's said a Sagittarius always gets along with a Gemini.

Wǒ shì shè shǒu zuò. Jù shuō shè shǒu zuò hé shuāng zǐ zuò hé dé lái.

我是射手座。据说射手座和双子座合得来。

On the other hand, when a social interaction turns sour, astrology can be used to excuse one's less-than-positive traits: "It's not my fault; the stars made me this way!"

A: Come on! You've been looking through the menu for ages! Can't you order quicker?

Bài tuō! Nǐ kàn cài dān dōu kàn le yī gè shì jì le! Néng kuài diǎnr diǎn cān ma?

拜托！你看菜单都看了一个世纪了！能快点儿点餐吗？

B: As a Libra, I was born with difficulty making up my mind.

Zuò wéi tiān chèng zuò, wǒ tiān shēng xuǎn zé kùn nan.

作为天秤座，我天生选择困难。

It's even applicable to the workplace:

A: You've asked me to modify a design draft over 10 times! You're so picky!

Nǐ dōu ràng wǒ gǎi le shí biàn shè jì cǎo gǎo le! Nǐ zhēn shì tài tiāo ti le!

你都让我改了十遍设计草稿了！你真是太挑剔了！

B: Sorry. I am a Virgo, and therefore a perfectionist.

Bào qiàn, wǒ shì chǔ nǚ zuò, wán měi zhǔ yì zhě.

抱歉，我是处女座，完美主义者。

The stars can also help shut down annoying questions or proposals:

A: Why aren't you married yet? You know, I can fix you up with somebody nice.

Nǐ zěn me hái méi jié hūn? Qí shí wǒ kě yǐ gěi nǐ jiè shào gè hǎo duì xiàng.

你怎么还没结婚？其实我可以给你介绍个好对象。

B: Thanks, but the true love of an Aquarius is freedom.

Xiè xie, dàn shì shuǐ píng zuò de zhēn ài shì zì yóu.

谢谢，但是水瓶座的真爱是自由。

Skepticism about astrology never vanishes. In case it's not obvious, there is no scientific basis behind these stellar stereotypes. But, even so, when conversing with the gullible, it's easy to manipulate one's signs to suit one's own interests.

Try saying this in a job interview:

I'm a Capricorn, so I'm always hardworking.

Wǒ shì mó jié zuò, suǒ yǐ wǒ gōng zuò yī xiàng fēi cháng nǔ lì.

我是摩羯座，所以我工作一向非常努力。

Or on a first date, when discussing compatibility:

A: Family always comes first for us Cancers.

Duì wǒ men jù xiè zuò lái shuō, jiā tíng yǒng yuǎn shì dì yī wèi de.

对我们巨蟹座来说，家庭永远是第一位的。

B: Well, I'm a Sagittarius. Though I wouldn't call myself a playboy, I'm not really into a monotonous life.

Zuò wéi shè shǒu zuò, suī rán wǒ bù shi suǒ wèi de huā huā gōng zǐ, dàn wǒ què shí bù tài xǐ huan nà zhǒng yī chéng bù biàn de shēng huó.

作为射手座，虽然我不是所谓的花花公子，但我确实不太喜欢那种一成不变的生活。

When turning down an unwanted suitor, astrology is once again useful. Though it sounds extreme to reject someone based simply on their star sign, many people feel it's kinder than giving out the real reason:

You are a good person, but an Aries and I are totally incompatible.

Nǐ rén hěn hǎo, dàn shì wǒ gēn bái yáng zuò wán quán chǔ bù lái.

你人很好，但是我跟白羊座完全处不来。

Usually, people can take a hint, but sometimes one may encounter really serious astrology experts who won't easily buy your astral mumbo-jumbo. That's OK, though, because the stars are nothing if not always ambiguous:

A: I don't think Aquariuses are all that free-spirited. Many of them really respect rules and value order.

Wǒ rèn wéi shuǐ píng zuò bù dōu nà me zì yóu sǎn màn. Tā men dāng zhōng hěn duō rén dōu zūn zhòng guī zé, chóng shàng zhì xù.

我认为水瓶座不都那么自由散漫。他们当中很多人都尊重规则，崇尚秩序。

B: That's true, because the sun sign doesn't determine everything. People are also influenced by their moon and rising signs.

Què shí rú cǐ, yīn wèi tài yáng xīng zuò bìng bù néng jué dìng yī qiè. Tā men hái shòu yuè liang xīng zuò hé shàng shēng xīng zuò de yǐng xiǎng.

确实如此，因为太阳星座并不能决定一切。他们还受月亮星座和上升星座的影响。

The trickiest group to deal with is the astrology haters, who may have been the unfortunate victims of bias, and even discrimination, due to their signs: a Virgo turned down for a job after being labeled an intractable paranoid and control freak; a Gemini suspected of cheating on their spouse; a Scorpio scorned as a coldblooded grudge holder; a Taurus called an emotionless miser ...

When meeting someone who gets sniffy about constellation-based talk, it's good to prepare a path of retreat:

A: Astrology is complete nonsense! I'm a Leo, but when have I ever been arrogant, bossy or self-centered?

Xīng zuò wán quán jiù shì wú jī zhī tán! Wǒ shì shī zi zuò, dàn wǒ shén me shí hou ào màn zì dà, yí zhǐ qì shǐ, yǐ zì wǒ wéi zhōng xīn le?

星座完全就是无稽之谈！我是狮子座，但我什么时候傲慢自大、颐指气使、以自我为中心了？

B: Sure, I'm a Pisces, but I don't spend all my time daydreaming, either! It's just for fun; no one takes it seriously.

Shì a, wǒ shì shuāng yú zuò, yě méi yǒu chéng tiān chén mí yú huàn xiǎng a! Bù guò dà jiā jiù shì shuō zhe wán de, méi rén dàng zhēn.

是啊，我是双鱼座，也没成天沉迷于幻想啊！不过大家就是说着玩的，没人当真。

One term, though, seems safe to use: 水逆 (shuǐ nì), short for 水星逆行(shuǐ xīng nì xíng, Mercury in retrograde). Feel free to blame 水逆 for anything unpleasant, since it's the common enemy of all the signs.

A: It was the worst week of my life. Everything went wrong!

Zhè shì wǒ zuì dǎo méi de yī zhōu le! Shén me dōu bù shùn!

这是我最倒霉的一周了！什么都不顺！

B: It must be caused by Mercury's being in retrograde. But this will end soon.

Kěn dìng shì shuǐ nì yǐn qǐ de. Dàn shì shuǐ nì hěn kuài jiù yào jié shù le.

肯定是水逆引起的。但是水逆很快就要结束了。

And on social media, here's a phrase sure to uplift your friends and yourself:

Mercury's retrograde begone!

Shuǐ nì tuì sàn!

水逆退散！

A simple call to the stars can dispel bad luck and make or break your entire social life－like magic! Or maybe it's a sign.

Courtesy of The World of Chinese; www.theworldofchinese.com.cn

The World of Chinese