Finding foothold on slippery slope of non-citizenship

I know I'm not the only one feeling a desperate need for acceptance in China. I've been here for a while and I can't get any foothold into the society.

For instance, when I try to give up my seat to an elderly passenger on the buses here in Tianjin, I find myself being gently pushed back into it. I've still got all my hair and teeth - so I can't look as ancient as I feel most mornings - which led me to ask my wife, Ellen, why this happens.

"They're concerned about your safety," she replied with a dismissive wave, but I couldn't let it go.

So, I decided to ask my students.

"It's not your safety, it's the idea that if you get hurt, they'd have to pay you more in compensation," one girl replied, while several others nodded as if this was truly sage advice.

This idea of protecting me for my own good has even gone as far as the food I eat. At a local restaurant, I spied a particularly interesting looking dish being consumed at another table. When I went to order it, the shocked looking waitress told my wife: "That's no good for him. Too much fat!"

Something involving cabbage was substituted instead.

The hardest part of trying to integrate into Chinese society is probably my lack of residential status.

Not being born in China, I lack a hukou, or household registration, which means there are many things that will be out of my grasp.

Without a hukou, I can't set up a telephone number in my own name, a problem that plagues all foreigners in China. In my case, I'm lucky that my wife is willing to put my mobile in her name.

It's OK, because she knows where I live, should I default on my bills!

The lack of a hukou means the apartment that Ellen and I have bought is also in her name. Should anything happen to her, I have no claim to the property, even though it's my income that pays the mortgage each month.

When asked, most of my students tell me that I am a "guest" in China, but it's not a label that I wear comfortably.

To be a guest implies, to me at least, that you don't contribute to your host, whereas most foreigners living in China are working hard in their fields of expertise to better things.

We also contribute financially. Apart from paying taxes on our incomes, we put money back into the local economy, either through purchasing goods, or making investments in property.

Most of us would like our lives made easier in China, and to fit in easily with those around us. Perhaps an amendment to current legislation covering the purchase of SIM cards could be made to cover those of us who hold Foreign Expert Certificates?

These not only carry our photographs, but our names and addresses, as well as our places of employment - and have the added security of being issued only by the government.

Ultimately, there are those of us in the foreign community who would like to settle permanently in China, and work towards Chinese citizenship, another goal that has long eluded us.

Until then, I'll just have to fit in as best I can, and not worry too much about it. I guess I will have to get used to feeling desperate to be accepted until then.