The real hymn of the tiger mother

Interestingly, when it comes to child rearing I think the East and the West have opposite problems. So perhaps what the Chinese can learn from my book is the opposite of what Westerners can.

In general, I think Western parenting gives children too much freedom at too young an age. The average American child spends almost 70 percent more time watching television than attending school. In the recent PISA international tests, the US came out an embarrassing 23rd in science and 34th in math - with Shanghai children ranked No 1. Western children have alarming rates of alcohol and drug abuse and teenage pregnancy, too. On the other hand, American universities continue to be the envy of the world, and the US excels at teaching creativity, innovation and leadership.

What are the lessons for China then? Here are a few things China may be able to learn from the West.

First, while children in the West have too much choice, their counterparts in China may have too little. In between school, tutoring and lessons, many Chinese children work nonstop, getting little opportunity to have fun with friends, explore on their own and discover what they truly enjoy. What I learned is that as children grow up, parents should listen to their choices more carefully and gradually give them more freedom to pursue their own passions.

Second, Chinese parents should pay more attention to their children's individual personalities. Every child is different. So depending on children's natural predispositions, different career paths will make them happy. Some people may find it more fulfilling to become a photographer or fashion designer instead of a doctor. If Chinese parents become more open-minded in what they consider "success", it may help lessen the intense competition and pressure that many Chinese children feel.

Finally, Chinese parents are good at getting their children to memorize, practice and drill - skills I believe the West needs more of - but they should also find ways to encourage creativity and initiative. My daughters were lucky because my husband taught them the value of independent thinking. He always asked "why". Just because someone told you so, how do you know it's right?

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. Many of my critics haven't actually read my book and don't realize that I wrote it in a moment of crisis, when Lulu rebelled and I began questioning everything I'd done.

I feel very lucky that I adjusted in time - today my daughters and I are close friends - and I wanted to share my story with other mothers, because we are all struggling with the same problem: how can we raise happy, strong, self-reliant children? I don't have the answer, but I will continue my search combining the best of East and West.

The author is a professor at Yale Law School and has the famous book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, to her credit.

(China Daily 06/03/2011 page9)

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