I want a choice and a challenging life

I want to have a big life, an unfettered life without external disturbances. However, that feels almost like a fantasy as I approach prime childbearing age, which is usually about 30 in China.

I have often been asked by my parents, parents-in-law and colleagues when I plan to have a baby.

Sometimes I just smile and don't answer, or sometimes I lose my temper with overbearing relatives. But I understand them, especially after my parents told me that I will get a better post-birth recovery if I have a baby at a younger age.

I appreciate every woman with the courage to have a baby, because I still have problems to work through before I make the decision.

I'm not sure I can be an all-arounder in the spheres of family and work, and still bring up my child to become a kindhearted person with a sound personality.

The work-life balance is also a big challenge for the future me as working mothers usually shoulder a big share of the family responsibilities while facing a harsher working environment. Maternity leave may also cause anxiety for women who are afraid of being put in a marginal position, doing unimportant work or losing opportunities for promotion if they are perceived to be too focused on their child.

Women make greater efforts to win jobs than men because they may lose opportunities due to differences in gender, age or educational background, especially as the job market is itself under great pressure at present.

Also, the costs of welfare for working mothers — such as maternity leave and nursing rooms — are borne by employers, which may make them reluctant to hire women of prime childbearing age.

Strong support is needed from State-level policies, employers and family members to help women like me lose their fears and hesitation about having a child. They can do that by giving us more practical welfare and support in protection of working rights and baby care, and by encouraging family members to become more active in helping.

I was impressed by a friend who said a woman who decides to have a baby not because of social or family pressures but because she cherishes and respects every single life will regard the child as a real human being, not as a "result for a family".

For me, a woman is not born to be a mother. She should first be herself, with her own career and life, and then make the decision to have a child or not.

There may still be a long way to go before the burdens of work and family life are eased for women, but I still hope and believe that every small step we make will bear good fruit in the future.