Christmas came much too early this year for me

One afternoon in November, I was strolling through a supermarket in Beijing on a quick errand. I had just grabbed a shopping cart when I was suddenly bombarded by something that could best be described as a scene straight out of a horror film from the North Pole.

Three miniature snowmen statues were in a circle holding hands, smiling as a particularly ear-deafening rendition of Jingle Bells played in the background. Each time the line "laughing all the way" came up, the children in the song cackled manically. It clashed horribly with the supermarket playing the insufferable Last Christmas by Wham! on repeat.

Meanwhile, towering over the whole scene was a pole that sprayed little Styrofoam balls all over the place. A poor substitute for snow. Next to the pole and between the gratuitous amount of Christmas trees stood a life-sized Santa with a saxophone.