Mulling life's great questions on lonely nights

I've been in Beijing for nine months now. In the same time, I could have had a baby. Except, I'm stuck in that familiar and frustrating place of wanting to be a mother, but knowing that I'm not going to be one, anytime soon.

Recently, two colleagues at CCTV News held a birthday barbecue in our communal garden, at the Beijing Friendship Hotel. It was for their two boys, who were joined by around 30 of their pre-pubescent friends, running around screaming their heads off. I could hear the commotion from my apartment window and prayed the clown would show up soon. Then I could be guaranteed a more peaceful time in the garden.

As I sat on a bench, sipping my cola, watching these kids, I began to think that having children may not be all that wise a choice.