Why I wear a loathing for Facebook on my ruby red lips

Facebook has clogged my computer.

The machine was always slow. Now it's moribund. It takes so long to open e-mails, I lose the will to live.

I blame my wife (naturally). She signed us up on Facebook. She thought it would be a good way of keeping in touch with our daughters in Scotland. Now we get dozens of messages from people we hardly know, all wanting to be our friends.