There's a party going on, but we can't say who

Celebrity Sauce has been presented with a gagging order that prevents us from mentioning Party X, who is not married to Party Y, but has three children with him. The reason for this is that Party X's father, Party Z, has tremendous influence and we do not wish in any way to step on his toes or be sacked without further notice.

The three-way affair (please don't jump to unwarranted conclusions, dear reader) unfolded at the end of last week when Party Y said she had enough of being single and wanted to make an honest woman of herself. Apparently, her first boyfriend, from when she was a tender 9 years old, is prepared to walk her down the aisle.

Party X, meanwhile, is accused of having affairs with Parties A-W. Party X claimed this was a total fabrication and he didn't even know his ABC. For the record, we believe him.