Search for the Chinese spouse

Kip Oneal Rountree knows he is the odd one out at a matchmaking fair, or xiangqinhui. At the blind date party held last weekend at the Temple of Earth by www.95195.com, a matchmaking website based in Beijing, Rountree's foreign face sticks out.

Not just young women, but parents seeking potential spouses for their children also stop by to chat with the blond-haired American, who has little problem coping with daily communication after an eight-year stay in Beijing.

"I was told by friends to expect a number of parents at this event, but I am still astonished at the scene in front of me," says the teacher of English and cross-cultural communication at Beijing Jiaotong University. "It is really a culture shock."

But this is not Rountree's first involvement in a public matchmaking fair since deciding he wanted to settle down with a Chinese woman who, he sees as "both strong and feminine".

Two months ago, he participated in a similar outdoor event organized by the same website at Badachu park, west Beijing. He also registered on its website, joining its nearly 130,000 members, of whom less than 1 percent are foreigners.

However, his foreign identity seems to be contributing little to his efforts at forging a "serious relationship".

Although a number of women stopped to talk to him, the 41-year-old says 10 percent were there only to find a language partner. This was a big turn-off, he adds, explaining that while he loves to help his close Chinese friends improve their English, he found a direct query at such an event disconcerting.

He was even more distressed when "a couple of girls came up and said they just want to play around", says the soft-spoken man.

The quick conversations have also been a surprise, he says.

"In the United States, even if people have no interest in one another, they will still talk for a while to avoid hurting the other's feelings. But people here can move on after just talking for one or two minutes."

However, he is also quick to add, "It's better since I can keep walking around and talk to more people".

"We American never say 'Can I make friends with you?' The friendship happens gradually and naturally through time spent together.

"And we would never ask, 'How much money do you make?' like Chinese parents do. Instead, we might say 'What do you do?' and guess one's income from the answer."

Although the admirer of Chinese culture strives hard to bridge cultural differences, they do crop up occasionally, and have stood the way of finding true love.

So far, he has been on 10 blind dates arranged by his Chinese friends, but with little success. "All of them were disasters," he says. "We just picked random topics. It had nothing to do with the blind date theme. We had little chance of knowing, or even talking to, one another."

The lover of tea has also tried teahouse parties, where the majority of patrons are women, as another way of extending his friends' circle.

But this time around, Rountree gets lucky. He finds common ground with a 29-year-old white-collar worker who lives in the embassy district. He plans to continue seeing her. "I want to see how she treats people, especially those who she doesn't need to treat well, like waiters," he says.

"And see her attitude to money. I don't mind if she makes more money, but a high-maintenance one is not my type."

China Daily

(China Daily 06/15/2010 page8)