Chinese-speaking competition makes me feel small

I protested as I was dragged toward the stage. Yeah, I'd reluctantly agreed earlier in the evening to enter a Chinese-speaking competition at a party but hadn't signed up for the crazy scene that was about to unfold.

I had figured that I'd get walloped by some retired sinologists who'd lived in China for several decades and did their PhDs on Tang Dynasty (AD618-907) poetry - and probably every other contestant. And thought: "Hey, what the heck?"

But as I was being hauled before the crowd, I saw what I was up against and immediately tried to escape the grip of the man leading me toward public humiliation - to no avail.