Who dares sings: Dummies guide to becoming a Chinese pop star

Millions of CCTV7 Spring Festival viewers watched in horror as this idiot expat strummed away on his guitar and sang a daft English pop song in bad Chinese of course.

The tune was a cover of Depeche Mode's 1980s classic I Just Can't Get Enough and the bloke had to be kidding. How the hell did this fool get on national television?

Can you imagine landing in New York, and ringing David Letterman's producers to ask: "Hey, I've got this song and I'm really crap. How about letting me on the show?"