Psych quizzes starting to test my patience

During my last year in university, I had a tall boyfriend who was sunny and masculine. When I and other students were running about madly in search of a job, a famous joint venture discovered my boyfriend's talents.

On the morning of the interview, he stood in front of the mirror and kept asking me: "Am I OK?" I nodded: "Of course."

But he returned from the interview, which included a psychological test, less than confident. A week later, the company informed him that he didn't pass the test, which indicated that he had a tendency for violent behavior.

"How can they draw such a conclusion? Is this test authoritative or even believable?" he said punching both fists into a tree. Perhaps the test was right after all.

This setback eventually caused him to choose another company in Shanghai and we later broke up. But he has since developed an addiction to online tests. As we once chatted on QQ, he told me: "Take a test. Let's see if you would marry and divorce me."

Taking a few tests is interesting. Taking many tests a day becomes exasperating. Can these tests prove anything at all?

Later, after a busy working week I suffered a series of headaches. The doctor pushed me a piece of paper toward me: "Take a psychology test first."

There were 20 questions. Number one: "Do you often want to cry?" I answered firmly: "No." There were other questions like "Do you often feel agitated?" "How many times do you go to friends' gatherings each month?"

I pushed the paper back. The doctor took a glance and announced: "Alright, you are not suffering from depression." I tried very hard not to laugh. How can I be depressed? I believe I am, and always will be, a happy person.

When I told my ex-boyfriend about this, he became interested. "Take 20 more questions. I will prove you are suffering from depression." I replied: "If you dare talk about tests again, I will put your name on the blacklist!"

A new personnel manager recently arrived in our company. The lady has a strong faith in reform and ushered in lots of new rules. For example, we must take a psychology test once a week.

The question sheet began with: If you go fishing, where would you go? A. Seashore; B. Stream in a valley; C. Take a boat to sea; D. Fishing pond.

This means nothing to me. I've never been fishing and I don't think I will do so in the near future. So I chose the stream randomly.

When I got this month's bonus, I was put in category B, which is 40 yuan ($5.40) less than A, the category that I used to get. Could this be related to the test?

My neighbor, who is always napping at work, got A. He met my puzzled looks with a hearty smile: "I happen to be good at these psychology tests."

Another young man who sits behind me declared, if we had to take more tests next month, he would resign. As for me, I plan to write a book with my ex on psychology tests. It will sell like hot cakes.

Sanlian Life Weekly has contributed to the story

(China Daily 03/13/2008 page19)