Fat no longer a feminist but a victim issue

Is obesity an infectious condition? Only if you have eaten a takeaway and a chocolate bar first?

Please excuse me; I am unwell. I think I may have caught "being fat" from a stranger, probably on the subway. At first I could not believe it either. Then, one evening, after an Indian takeaway, several glasses of wine, and two chocolate bars, I was sprawled on the sofa, with my jeans undone, wondering how on earth it could be that I had put on so much weight, when I came across a report in the New England Journal about "socially contagious weight gain" and "fat influencing relationships". (Basically, hang around fat people long enough and you become fat, too).

Piecing this together with other recent reports about a "fat virus" causing "infectobesity"... and everything became clear: despite the fact I delight in exuding all the physical dynamism of a sack of wet sand, my blubber is not my own doing after all. Either because of a corpulent stranger on a tube train, or the random horror of "infectobesity", this fat thing had been done to me.