Digital healing

A group of cancer patients in Zibo, Shandong Province, sing in chorus at a gathering. Huangpu Xiaowen

This time it was due to a fever, which had persisted during the past two months. The doctors did not agree on its causes. Xu, however, had been depending on the injection of hormones to control the fever. She had no appetite for food and could not even move her legs.

In her lonely hospital life fighting the physical misery, Xu assured visitors that she could always find support and comfort from her blog friends. Every day, she would spend at least one or two hours on the Internet meeting other bloggers, who are mostly cancer patients from other parts of the country. Through blogs, they shared one another's most recent disease progress, everyday routines and emotional ups and downs.

Xu Liping fights against cancer by founding an online blog group. Courtesy of Xu Liping

"My hospital bed is close to the window. When lying in bed, I could have a view of the faraway, tall buildings, overpasses, sky and flocks of birds, which gave me something to savor in my painful life," she wrote in a recent entry on her blog.

The battle with cancer is a long and painstaking process. The disease conditions were volatile. Xu often felt agitated in the beginning. But later on, while sharing with other bloggers, she came to understand that maintaining a good mood, taking good care of the body and exercising were the best ways to fight.

Chemical therapy is a very painful process, and most cancer patients cannot avoid it.

During chemical therapy, damage to healthy cells may produce various side effects, including tiredness, nausea and vomiting, diarrhea or constipation, hair loss, weakened immunity, mouth ulcers and changes in sense of taste.

"One's emotions have a significant effect on their sensitivity to pain. A positive and relaxed attitude towards each therapy alleviates the pains," she says.

Xu said that if it was not for the sincere friendship of other cancer bloggers, she would probably not be able to stick to her battle.

In 2005, two years after her graduation from college, Xu had a job and started a new, happy family. However, cancer smashed all of her plans for her future life, including her marriage.

During the past two years, Xu ran between hospitals to hear different opinions about her disease from medical experts. She decided to select a treatment scheme which she could afford.

Xu believes that sharing others' experiences and feelings satisfies quite an emotional need for cancer patients. However, she doesn't like the idea of joining the many cancer patients' support groups, mostly made up of senior patients, because she felt she might not be able to find things in common with them.

To kill time between chemotherapy sessions, she started her blog in 2005. She called herself "fragrant life" online. "I believe that even during the miserable days, I could also live a colorful and fragrant life," she explains.

Unexpectedly, many young cancer patients wrote messages to her. "They were excited about my articles. We communicated as if we had known each other for quite a long time," she says.

During the process of writing blogs, Xu said that she harvested the hope for life while reading the encouraging words of others and obtained strong self-confidence when she managed to inspire others.

One year later, she started a blog group. Soon it gathered more than 200 cancer patient bloggers, whom she now considers members of a new, big family.

Liver cancer patient Zhang Ting, 30, is known in the blog group as a poet, because she often writes down her feelings in prose.

In May, when Xu founded her blog and invited her to join their group, Zhang was a bit reluctant at first.

"I do not want to be just labeled as a cancer patient," she explains.

Zhang was diagnosed with liver cancer two years ago. Working in a private company in Beijing, she did not have medical insurance to cover her medical bills. So, she kept working hard.

"I had put on a mask to live in my real life. Even many friends and colleagues of mine do not know about my disease," she says.

During the early days after she joined the blog group, she also kept distance from others, not responding to messages left on her blog page.

Then, one day, a girl in the blog group told Zhang that she would donate some money to her after finding out about her financial difficulties. Zhang was touched by the offer, but she did not accept the girl's generous help.

"It feels like chatting with family when I chat with them. I am relaxed, and there are no secrets with them," Zhang says.

Now, everyday, it is her routine to log onto the blog group to write down her emotions and read about others'.

Zhang feels that many patients seem to mind too much about their disease and are sensitive to every minor physical change occurring to their bodies.

"They think of and talk about their illness all the time. They simply put too much emotional pressure upon themselves. That will not help," she says.

In July, they gathered in Tianjin to celebrate the one-year birthday of the blog group. Though most people met for the first time, they seemed to have a natural intimacy with one another.

They talked about treatment experiences, marriage and family, jobs, child bearing, dieting and even travel plans.

"I was really inspired by their optimism," Xu says.

On the eve of the one-year anniversary of the blog group, all of the members received a special gift - a collection of their own stories about their battles with cancer. All the articles were selected and edited by Xu.

"It is our common wealth. It embodies the love and friendship among us," she says.

(China Daily 09/05/2007 page20)