There's an old Chinese saying: Lishang Wanglai (Courtesy demands reciprocity). This is a basic rule for expats living anywhere in the world and is a sound way to build friendships. However "being nice" is only one of the myriad customs used in China's complex society, according to the International Business Center (IBC), a US-based non-profit organization.

The IBC says it is helpful to understand the general nature of locals is conservative, reserved and disciplined, to adhere to specific codes of behavior.

Chinese value face and make decisions collectively and over a lengthy period. There is always respect for a host and many Chinese are passionate socialites enjoying functions.

A Chinese man teaches his expat friend to play huaquan, a guessing game which is a common feature of typical Chinese dinners.  Qiu Houqiang

"One of the biggest shocks to me was the size of the functions here," says Marjut Rantakari, the Finnish consul and active member of expat charity group G.I.V.E.S.

"Finland is small, we only have five million or so people, so at dinners we will have four or five tables. In Guangzhou, I will go to a function and there will be dozens of tables.

"In China, a host will come to a table with a whole entourage so you have to meet a large group at one time. Foreigners never have enough business cards to hand out, but now I come better prepared," Rantakari says.

"There are so many people to meet and so many toasts to make. You have to be prepared for a long dinner with a lot of eating and drinking."

"In Finland, we talk business first, then decide whether to go for dinner afterwards. But in China, people meet for dinner and talk about general topics first before getting down to business," she says.

To adjust, the busy socialite's opening gambits include introducing herself and talking about Finland, Guangzhou and travel. Rantakari also compares Chinese and Finnish culture.

The IBC reminds foreigners to avoid any ostentatious or overt displays of emotion or affection and to keep social conversations safe. Talking about culture, customs, travel or food are good topics. Talking about politics is not.

Rantakari, who doesn't speak putonghua (standard Chinese), also finds her reserved Nordic manner at odds with the continuous volley of speeches, which occurs at many local parties. "In Finland, we rarely make speeches but in China, I always come prepared to say something," she says.

When toasting, the host always speaks first, even if he insists otherwise, says David Liu, general secretary of the Guangzhou Translators Association (GTA), who has assisted hundreds of foreigners in their meetings with Chinese over a 15-year career.

When your turn comes, "the host should be toasted first, followed by people in his group, according to rank, then the success of the partnership or venture," Liu says.

Anything that gives the host face in front of his party and guests is recommended.

"If appropriate, you may even invite the host to your own country for a return banquet," Liu says.

When using an interpreter, it is important to speak for a minute or less, to ensure the proper meaning is conveyed accurately, he adds. Liu also advises against discussing sensitive topics or talking aggressively or emotionally, as this forces the interpreter to become a diplomat.

For Duke Nam, general manager of the newly opened Westin Guangzhou, life in China has meant reconciling his gung-ho nature, typical of Koreans, with the more deliberate ways of the Chinese.

"In South Korea, we are very passionate and aggressive about work and we are used to doing things immediately. It is a matter of honor to us," Nam says.

When he found straightforward tasks in China can take days or even weeks to complete "at first I felt very angry", he recalls.

It was only after Nam realized that locals disliked venturing outside their designated responsibilities, that he adjusted his expectations.

"Chinese are used to reporting to their superiors and getting permission before they act," he says. "In South Korea, each person feels responsibility for the success of the group, so he might act outside his role even if he is not asked."

"Now, I don't expect responses the same day. I give people more time to do their job and am more patient."

Dealing with staff errors and worker complaints was also a new challenge.

"In South Korea, when someone makes a mistake, they admit they are wrong and fix it out of shame," Nam says. "Here it is difficult to find someone who will admit their mistakes."

When Nam's secretary conveyed the wrong message to his driver, leaving him without transportation home, Nam realized her fear of appearing poor at English convinced her to avoid reconfirming his instructions.

And when he was critical of poor workmanship during the hotel fit-out, he found workers would only repair damage while being watched, but ignored directions when they were not supervised.

To adapt, Nam now takes staff aside and discusses the problem in private. He also shows, by example, what he wants done.

By doing so, he avoids creating resentment and embarrassment for the person, he believes, and instead tries to instill a sense of ownership of one's responsibilities in staff.

"My advice to others is, don't insult," Nam says. "You can't force someone to work. If you try they will do it when you are there, but not when you go. I want them to do the work, whether I am there or not."

GTA's Liu says most Chinese will not discuss their feelings when dissatisfied. "If a mistake is made, staff are reluctant to admit it," Liu says. "They do not want to look incapable and lose face. They also fear there may be repercussions - a loss in salary, demotion or other punishment."

In China, "relationships are everything", he says.

Open criticisms of others or admissions of guilt threaten such relationships, so these are avoided.

Instead, Liu advises foreigners to reconsider their approach. Criticisms should be conducted in private, the person could be told that such mistakes will attract unwanted attention from seniors. "Criticisms should be delivered as a friend. You should be (seen as) someone that wants to help, not hurt," Liu says.

When trying to find someone who won't own up to a mistake, "you might have to do some research and even ask other staff members for information", Liu adds.

"Therefore, concentrate on building relationships. Chinese will like to speak to you then. Then if you need cooperation later, you can always find it," Liu concludes.

(China Daily 06/29/2007 page19)