Doom and groom: This sad Song says so much
Heartbreak over a loveless marriage. |
So says Song, 58, who has been a "dao cha men" for 24 years. Song was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago. When he dies, the father of two wants to be buried in his hometown with a blank gravestone.
Neither of his sons has taken his surname and so Song feels he has failed his filial duty and doesn't want to have his family name etched in stone.
"The worst decision of my life was to live with my wife's family," Song said, sighing and sadly shaking his head.
Song was born in Chun'an County, two hours' drive from Hangzhou, East China's Zhejiang Province.
At 11, Song moved with his family and other villagers to Kaihuai County in Zhejiang.
Poverty spins the desire for change, and Song studied very hard. But before he could enter university, the "cultural revolution" (1966-76) crushed his hopes.
Joining the army was a good choice, there he'd be clothed and fed.
During Song's five-year military service in Hangzhou, his family moved again to Jiangxi Province, where his mother passed away.
When he went home to attend his mother's funeral, Song's elder brother advised him not to go back to the countryside, where his life would be worse than a beggar in the city.
Song became desperate as the day of retirement from military service drew nearer.
"I had no idea how to stay in the city. Then it all came down to the choice of marrying into a local girl's family," he said.
Song met a girl in Qiaoxi Township on the outskirts of Hangzhou, a week before he left the army in January 1973. Two months later, he married her.
What he knew then was that his offspring must take the wife's surname, but what he did not know was that the marriage would make his life worse, especially with his father-in-law, who was also married into the family.
Embittered, he had no sympathy for Song and treated him like a slave.
After working a full day at a local print factory, Song farmed the family's land until midnight, or made tea at home to make some money. But all the profits and his salary went to his father-in-law.
One day his father-in-law complained that he had no money to buy meat. Fed up, Song smashed a bowl on the floor.
"I wanted to commit suicide," he recalled, teary-eyed. "I opened the door in silence and left for a hillside nearby to hang myself. It was snowing and very cold. It seemed to me that the world was feeling exactly as I felt, and that the snow would cover up all of my sadness."
Fortunately his younger son ran up for a hug. The warmth of his child's smile melted away the dark thoughts. "How could I leave him alone in this world? I must stay alive for him."
Song insisted that his younger son carry his surname. This led to the final fight with his father-in-law. He wouldn't talk to the old man, even though they lived together under the same roof.
As for his wife, Song says she takes good care of him, but he claims to have never loved her during their 34-year marriage.
"I do not know what love is, or what a happy marriage is like. My married life has been a failure," he sighed.
(China Daily 03/06/2007 page19)
