Get off my back

With only one child in most families in China, parents do their utmost to create a happy life for him or her. However, there are still a lot of high school students who are not happy when staying with their parents, a recent poll among four countries has found.

The poll was jointly conducted among more than 7,000 high school students in China, Japan, South Korea and the United States.

China experienced the smallest portion of high school students who thought they were happy to stay with their parents.

About 59 percent of Chinese students felt happy to be with their fathers while the proportions in the United States, South Korea and Japan were 68 percent, 65 percent and 64 percent.

Although Chinese mothers created more happiness than fathers, the poll found they were still behind those in other three countries.

About 68 percent of high school students polled in China thought they were happy with mothers around, following 76 percent in the United States, 90 percent in Japan and 91 percent in South Korea.

"It is really a surprising result," said Sun Hongyan, an expert from the China Youth & Children Research Center.

Sun is also the deputy head of the Chinese group who conducted the survey. "Today's high school students in China, mostly the only kid in their families, have more time to stay with their parents compared with those families with more than one child in other countries," she said. "However, that does not mean they enjoy the time spent together with their parents.

"Chinese parents care too much about their school performance and their future to get a college education."

Yin Meng, a high school student from the Middle School affiliated with Beijing University of Chemical Technology (BUCT), echoed Sun in an interview with China Daily.

"I feel stressed to stay with my parents because they often have a very serious talk with me after each exam at school," Yin said. "They get alerted and try to find out the reasons every time my score drops, even very slightly."

"If they can relax, I will relax and become happier at home," she said.

Actually students had already been troubled by their academic performance, as the poll showed, so it must be more stressful to stay with parents who keep talking about study.

When asked "what troubles you most," 78 percent of Chinese chose study, only following South Korea which had 84 percent.

But only about half of the students in Japan and the United States regarded study as their biggest trouble.

Pressure to perform

In a recent news release from the China Youth & Children Research Center, experts gave their explanation for the study-centered phenomenon.

"First, it is a tradition in China to attach great importance to young people's academic performance," the released stated.

"More importantly, (with so many people in our rapidly-developing country), competition is very intense, not only at school but also in society.

"So quite a lot of parents believe that high scores at school can lead the way to universities and further to a success in finding a decent job after graduation."

Apart from parent pressure, Chinese teen unhappiness is also linked to lack of encouragement and poor communication within families, Sun said.

"And our poll proves this."

The poll said Chinese parents spend the least effort to express their happiness and pride towards their kids' efforts and achievements at school or in daily life.

Of those students polled in China, about 47 percent said their fathers praised them often while 65 percent chose their mothers.

South Korean fathers and American mothers scored the highest marks for their generosity and praise for their children.

It was important to praise children because it helped build self-esteem and self-confidence, Sun said.

Also, the poll found that Chinese parents talked less with their children.

Japanese parents were most willing to talk to their children 53 percent of fathers and 93 percent of mothers.

However, only 44 percent of Chinese fathers and 74 percent of mothers enjoyed talking with their children.

Parents of Wang Qiuyi, another high school student from the middle school affiliated to the BUCT, try to set a good example for others as they talked often to their daughter Wang.

"I am happy they often talk to me not only about my study but everything I am interested, including my relationship with friends, funny things at school and anything that troubles me," she said.

Parents should spend more time sharing personal feelings or experiences, Sun said.

With too much preaching about study, parents will distance their children, she said.

Although Chinese high school students had issues with their parents most were happy with their life, the poll showed.

About 82 percent of high school students in China, 83 percent in the United States, 77 percent in Japan and 73 percent in South Korea said they were happy.

"The strong sense of happiness mainly comes from the care-free material life parents create for their children, as well as their utmost devotion to satisfy the kids' needs," Sun said.

Student Yin Ment summed up the basis of her joy. "I am happy because I know my parents love me so much and they work so hard to provide me with a better quality of life," Yin said.

(China Daily 01/10/2007 page18)