A salute to super single parents: 'You are appreciated'

I don't know what it's like to be a single parent. But my father does.

He took charge of taking care of me, my brother and my sister after he and my mother separated and eventually divorced. He worked two jobs to make sure we had our essentials each day. It helped that we were all adolescents and teenagers by then, but trying to meet our needs and ensuring that we were doing well in school while constantly working certainly wasn't easy for him.

The mother of my daughter also knows what it's like to be a single parent. I really want to have more of a physical presence in our child's life, but I live in China and they live in Malaysia, and strict travel rules due to COVID-19 have prevented me from visiting for going on two years now.

My daughter's mom, assisted by her father, juggles her job responsibilities with managing the house, helping our child with her school work and setting up activities to keep our little girl occupied. She has often discussed her exhaustion with me, and I can only empathize.

According to the Pew Research Center, my country, the United States, ranks No 1 globally in single parenting. In 2018, nearly 25 percent of US children lived in a household with only one parent, statistics from the center show.

Of course, single parenthood is a worldwide issue, and China is no exception. A report from China Times, affiliated to the China Disabled Persons' Federation, in January cited information from the All-China Women's Federation, which estimated that there were at least 20 million single-parent households, with single mothers making up 70 percent, in the country in 2018.

Mary, a Chinese friend of mine, is one of these mothers.

Mary lives with her daughter, Daisy, in Shanxi province. She and her husband separated two years ago, and they live far apart, so she is essentially raising Daisy, 9, on her own, with some help from her parents.

She wakes up at 6:30 am every day. Between working, housekeeping and caring for her child, she's usually spent by the time she goes to bed, around 10 pm.

Though things are difficult sometimes, Mary says she has become used to her situation and enjoys activities with her daughter, who is learning to play the violin.

"We can read books, go swimming, go shopping－we can do whatever we like," she says.

"Other moms in my position may feel very sad, but for me, it's OK. I'm very happy."

Mary is working hard to ensure a bright future for her daughter.

She says she hopes that when Daisy grows up, she will go to a good university in another city, and then they would move to that city together.

"I hope she will have the ability to earn good money," Mary says.

Often, those of us who are children of single parents aren't mature enough to appreciate the hardships they endure to care for us. They have to work extra hard to be our providers, tirelessly enduring long days as they wear multiple hats－breadwinner, housekeeper, chauffeur and teacher, to name a few－and often with little to no thanks in return from us.

They do this because they love us, because they want us to be successful, because they want us to avoid the same fate. They don't do it expressly for our gratitude, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve it.

The late, great rapper Tupac Shakur had a popular song called Dear Mama, in which he expressed his admiration for his mother and all that she endured while raising him－a self-proclaimed juvenile delinquent－all by herself, with lyrics such as:"There's no way I can pay you back/but the plan is to show you that I understand/you are appreciated."

This article serves as my Dear Mama, to my father, to my daughter's mother, to Mary and other single parents in China and worldwide: Thank you. You are all very much appreciated.