Students take heart from lessons in love

On Oct 16, a classroom at Henan Normal University in Xinxiang was packed with students rapt with attention.

The class was so popular that all 100-plus seats were occupied and many attendees had chosen to sit or stand at the end of the room.

The topic was part of Social Etiquette, an optional course offered by the university, and that day's lecture focused on love and romance.

"What are your views on love? Anyone?" asked lecturer Liu Ying.

"It's a dream!" one student shouted, prompting laughter and applause.

Henan Normal is one of a growing number of schools offering courses on romantic relationships in response to rising demand from young people.

In October, China Youth Daily launched a survey of 1,028 university students nationwide. The results showed that 88.23 percent of respondents supported the introduction of lessons in love.

Of the respondents, 28.89 percent were in a relationship, 37.55 percent had been but were now single, 28.99 percent had never been in a relationship and 4.57 percent of replies were ambiguous.

When asked what they wanted from the courses, 55.54 percent hoped the classes would help to establish the right values, and 24.9 percent said lessons should help solve relationship problems. Meanwhile, 8.37 percent talked about improving communication skills and 4.47 percent expressed the wish that the classes would help them find a partner. More than 5 percent said the course was useless.

Other schools, including Wuhan University, Renmin University of China in Beijing and Tianjin Foreign Studies University, are offering similar courses. As they are optional and only provide limited seating, competition for entry is fierce.

Psychology

In addition to university offerings, related courses proliferate on the internet.

At least 12 different courses can be found via the keyword "love", including a free online course called The Psychology of Love.

It is offered by Wuhan University of Technology on a website operated by NetEase, a Chinese internet technology company that offers open online courses and also provides a number of paid courses.

The classes focus on a wide range of topics, including "The Law of Attraction: The Secret to Getting Your Crush to Fall in Love with You", "What Men Are Actually Thinking" and "Manage Your Love and Shape It Into What You Want It To Be".

The counters indicate that hundreds of people have clicked the "interested" button.

On Oct 16, a science-focused self-media platform (an independently operated social media account) called Cool Brain organized an open class called Better Love.

During the hourlong class, clinical psychologist Wang Zhan taught the difference between "like" and "love", and described the laws of attraction and ways to build positive gender relationships.

Livestreamed on WeChat, the course garnered more than 1,200 views.

The audience submitted questions such as "What should I do if I am not sure what he or she thinks about me?", "What if we chat happily on WeChat but feel awkward when we meet in person?" and "How to move on from a relationship if the other half has already disengaged?".

Wang, a member of the International Association of Applied Psychology, has taught the courses in many medical schools.

He said one of the reasons the classes have gained popularity in recent years, especially in universities, is that today's young people have a different way of pursuing love than previous generations and also have a stronger understanding of science.

He said university students nowadays have had comprehensive scientific training at school and are more willing to turn to professional psychologists for help.

To solve relationship problems or simply indulge their curiosity, the fastest way is to join a university course.

Mental issues

Wang said the courses can help young people avoid the negative consequences of "bad love", especially in light of a recent rise in the number of people with mental problems triggered by failed relationships.

"It is necessary for us teachers to allow university students to imbibe some scientific ideas at such times," he said.

Duan Xinxing, a psychology professor at the China University of Mining and Technology, said society's awareness of mental issues, especially those involving young people, is growing rapidly.

The university in Jiangsu province was one of the first to introduce the course Psychology in Love for students.

Duan said she initiated it because she had learned about a number of incidents caused by relationship problems.

Moreover, after delivering numerous lectures on psychology nationwide, she had discovered that relationship problems can have a huge impact on students' mental health.

"People have been avoiding the topic, but it has become more and more pronounced," she said.

One of the most discussed topics was the suicide of a Peking University student known as "Bao Li", whose death was confirmed by a lawyer in April.

Bao made her first suicide attempt in October 2019. Media reports alleged that her actions were prompted by abusive words and behavior from her boyfriend Mou Linhan.

They also said social media chat records suggested Mou had made a series of demands, including that Bao take nude photos of herself, get pregnant, have an abortion and finally undergo sterilization surgery.

Mou was detained by police in June on suspicion of abusive behavior. He remains in custody as inquiries continue.

The young woman's suicide attracted widespread attention and prompted discussion of issues such as controlling personalities and "pickup artists", men who claim they can trick young women into sexual activity.

He Bailiangge, a 23-year-old female student from Renmin University of China, said safety in relationships is one of the most important issues for love courses at universities.

"In addition to knowing how to get along better with someone, people need to learn how to protect themselves psychologically, especially girls," she said, noting that the issue is often neglected by teachers and parents.

"Girls are physically weaker. If they don't learn how to protect themselves, they may fall into danger or traps, including domestic violence, when starting relationships."

She took a love course in 2018, her third year at university, after she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

"I thought it would be of some help," she said, adding that she initially imagined that the teacher would be able to explain what had gone wrong in her relationship and what had been good about it, what she could do in a similar circumstances and the best way to deal with such situations.

However, she found the course too theoretical, and can now only vaguely recall that the teacher said something about attachment and personalities. Classes took place once a week and the course lasted about three months. It ended with an exam to assess how well the students had grasped the theories.

"It wasn't boring. The teacher added some interactive elements and demonstrations, but it just wasn't memorable and you easily forgot it the next day," she said.

At the end of that semester, she and her boyfriend got back together, although she said the course itself didn't prompt the reunion.

Remedies

A perceived lack of relevance is a problem for many young people who sign up for love courses.

According to Duan, each student is like a patient looking for a remedy: some want a prescription to heal a breakup; some want ways to confess their love; and others seek guidance on starting relationships.

They often have very specific questions that are designed to produce a specific response.

For Wang, this is a major misunderstanding of the courses.

"It is a long process, from learning to practicing. So when I teach my students, I tell them it is a science, not a hands-on boot camp. This is a scientific course. We are not producing masters of love or of flirting. We are producing scientists," he said.

Wang said that based on scientific research, a course on relationships can answer three basic questions: What is love? why does it develop the way it does? and how it can be sustained?

When answering questions via his online course, Wang often reiterates two key principles for dealing with relationships. They are "be kind to each other" and "learn to nourish each other's self-esteem".

"Psychology has developed many science-based, practical and healthy techniques that can help our students. It's just that sometimes their questions are too specific. It's difficult to solve all their problems in such a short period," he said.

Despite the discrepancy between students' expectations and teaching content, there has been a groundswell of support from both sides for the courses to be expanded and developed.

Chen Xiangli, a 22-year-old who took the Social Etiquette course at Henan Normal University, said students need such platforms to exchange ideas and adjust their mindsets to help protect them from hurt.

Whether specifically tailored to tackle relationship problems or not, the fundamental aim of the courses should be to help students become more cheerful and sunny, to have more courage to talk to others, and to help them gain the confidence to act, she said.

Wang and Duan believe that such courses should be taught to younger students.

"Secondary school students are able to understand the concept of love, but if such topics are not discussed they won't know what attraction means or the sort of person who is actually good for them," Wang said.

"If they are totally ignorant about this knowledge, they may act instinctively, which could result in undesirable consequences."

Duan said such education doesn't necessarily need to come in the form of school classes. Rather, families, teachers and society can all provide guidance and help foster a relaxed environment for the development of sexuality in adolescence.