Although we live in a society where marriage is the norm, increasing numbers of men and women are choosing to skip the nuptial vow.

A fourth tide of "singles" is hitting the country, Chen Yaya, an assistant researcher with the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, said at a national forum on domestic issues in Guangzhou, Guangdong province, recently.

Take Beijing for example. More than 1 million houses in the city are occupied by singles aged 32 years and above - unmarried, divorced or widowed. The figure was about 100,000 in 1990.

The first tide of singles occurred in the 1950s when many couples untied the knot because of China's first marriage law, which was promulgated in May 1950. The second tide hit when a large number of educated youths, sent to rural areas for re-education during the "cultural revolution" (1966-1976), returned to cities and towns in the late 1970s. The third wave was felt in the 1990s when the economic reform changed social mores.

But the number of people who prefer to remain single today is larger, with the shift being most significant among urban women. Increased employment opportunities and the propensity to marry at a later age have increased the number of single women.

Besides, as reform and opening-up progressed, cohabitation lost its taboo, and as society grew more secular, marriage lost some of its importance.

Many researches have found that single women are better educated, healthier and have a more positive outlook on life. Women feel that since they are independent and professionally secure, they can cope single-handedly with any problem and hence can climb the social ladder alone.

For many people, being single has become a lifestyle choice, and their likes are found mainly in cities. They claim that being single is all about being free. They feel the number of people who can "connect" with them is small, and since they can't compromise on anything, it's better that they steer clear of a potentially "disastrous relationship".

And then there are men for whom finding a wife is difficult because they don't earn "much". It is alarming to know that more than 24 million men in China may be forced to remain single by 2020.

Moreover, young men find it difficult to contemplate marriage without a secure job or a home, and that has become more difficult because the rise in housing prices has outpaced the increase in income levels in large cities.

But staying single is not necessarily a good choice. Some researchers say single women - men as well - face some insolvable problems like isolation and loneliness.

In a society where marriage is still the norm, single people cannot dust off the stigma attached to them easily. All said and done, even though people may not like a person who has decided to stay single, they should respect his/her choice.

(China Daily 07/23/2011 page5)