Father-son camps turn boys into better men

(Reuters)
Updated: 2007-06-07 10:23

The idea of a father-son-bonding camp to foster the transition to manhood may sound suspiciously like one of those kooky lets-dance-around-the-campfire-and discover-your-inner-wildman scenarios.

It could also be described as Survivor meets The Brady Bunch, but participants have given the concept the thumbs up and organisers say they've got figures showing the camps get results.

The Pathways to Manhood camps are run by the Pathways Foundation, a charitable organisation founded by then GP Dr Arne Rubenstein in 1995.

Pathways runs camps throughout the year at locations around Australia.

They are designed to help fathers connect with their sons and facilitate the transition from hormone-addled adolescent to man.

"I was seeing fantastic nine, ten and 11 year old kids and I was seeing 14, 15 year olds who were dark and depressed and non-communicative," says Rubenstein.

"I could see there was a problem."

Ben Maudlin attended a camp with his dad, William, shortly before his 13th birthday in 2001.

Now 18, he says it marked an important turning point in his relationship with his parents.

"The obvious difference was that before my parents treated me as a kid and I sort of treated them as if I was a kid.

"After the experience I found that I was being treated like a young adult and I was treating them as if I was a young adult.

"So it sort of made everything more functional. It sort of allowed me to grow, I know it sounds cliched, but to grow as a person."

Ben says his relationship with his father before the camp was always good, but Pathways brought them closer together.

Ben's father William, a full-time corporate worker, also says the the Pathways camp had mutual benefits.

Ben he says, became more open and responsible ¨C even becoming more willing to help around the house.

Rubenstein describes this shift as the difference between "boy psychology" and "man psychology".

Boy psychology, according to Rubinstein, is characterised by "it is all about me, I want to be the centre of attention, I want everything and I am the centre of the universe."

"Healthy man psychology," on the other hand, "is about having a mission that you believe in, sharing and looking after others, taking responsibility for your actions."

The camp acts as a sort of rite of passage, he says, and are based on activities used by traditional cultures.

He prefers to keep the exact activities of the four-day camps secret so he doesn't spoil things for future participants.

But he can divulge that activities are divided into three components: storytelling, challenging and honouring.

During storytelling, fathers share stories about what it was like when they were young, their relationship with their fathers, their romances, experiences of grief, their greatest successes and their greatest failures.

In the second, most secretive, component of the camp, each boy performs a series of challenges to understand his "vulnerability" and "mortality".

The aim: to prevent boys creating their own, sometimes destructive and dangerous, challenges.

"They drive cars at a hundred miles an hour down dirt roads, they get into fights and do a lot of stupid things that they do," says Rubinstein.

"We feel that if we don't create an appropriate enough challenge for them, they will do that themselves."

After the challenges, the fathers publicly "honour" their sons, highlighting the boys' personal strengths.

Adolescent psychology expert Dr Michael Carr-Greg, who isn't involved with Pathways, says rites of passage are important for adolescents.

And the camps organised by Pathways are a much healthier way of defining the step into adulthood than other social milestones like Schoolies week.

"At the moment we have these surrogate rites of passage," he says. "A very large role is played by alcohol and cars and that of course can be lethal."

Carr-Greg believes they can be a step in addressing Australia's "chronic under-fathering", in which dads are more likely to be seen as "walking wallets" than role models.

But Dr Bob Montgomery, a psychologist and spokesperson for the Australian Psychological Society says it's unlikely that such an "abbreviated program" can make much difference in person's life.

"If you are going to make a difference to people in a really short period of time, you have to give them an extremely intense experience, usually traumatic," he says.

"And one hopes that they aren't running traumatic experiences."

The camps might provide "entertainment for untroubled people, maybe a sock for dad's conscience" he says.

But he believes they are "unlikely to address the really important issues of masculinity or dad's getting involved and staying involved with the kids."

Carr-Greg also says a relationship may look "hunky dory" while on the camp, but this can quickly revert back to what it was in the familiar home environment.

But Pathways says independent research recently conducted for the organisation showed that 79 per cent of boys who attended a camp said they benefited or got something out of it.

Seventy-eight per cent said it improved their relationship with their father.

Six years after doing the camp, Ben Maudlin says it taught him one invaluable lesson ¨C that he was loved and valued by his father.

"Sons always know in the back of their head that their fathers are always there for them."

"So I guessed this program helps you understand that your father figure is always there for you and they do love you and care about you."



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