Take the (crazy) microphone

Funny to the right degree

Humor often doesn't translate well. Poking fun at a superior's fashion sense is a great crowd warmer back home, but doing so here spells disaster.

One presenter learned this the hard way. "I was giving a presentation in Beijing on our research findings. I opened with what I thought was a great joke. I said, 'There's something special in the air over here in China that makes me feel different ... I think it's a mix of lead, methane, and perhaps copper.'" The audience barely produced a grin.

In contrast, the former prime minster of Australia got his crowd howling when he opened with the line, "(The person who just introduced me) commented that my Chinese is very fluent, but he's just being polite. My Chinese is getting worse by the day. In China, there's an old saying: 'Nothing to fear in all heaven and hell, save for the laowai who speaks Chinese well.'"

Supervisor: He was being polite just now when he said I speak fluent Chinese.

Hé jīnglǐ gāngcái shuō wǒ de hànyǔ fēicháng liúlì, qíshí tā shì kèqì le.

何经理刚才说我的汉语非常流利，其实他是客气了。

My Chinese is really very ordinary.

Wǒ de hànyǔ shuǐpíng hěn yībān.

我的汉语水平很一般。

Nothing to fear in all heaven and hell, save for the laowai who speaks Chinese well.

Tiān bùpà, dì bùpà, jiù pà lǎowài shuō zhōngguó huà.

天不怕，地不怕，就怕老外说中国话。

Straightforward structure

After warming up the crowd, you can finally get down to business. The good news is that presentation structures flow similarly to what you are already used to.

The topic of today's meeting is ...

Běn cì huìyì de yìtí shì ...

本次会议的议题是 ...

First ...

Shǒuxiān ...

首先 ...

Second ...

Qícì ...

其次 ...

Also ...

Zàicì ...

再次 ...

Last ...

Zuìhòu ...

最后 ...

First, we're going to look at the results of a global e-commerce consumer behavior survey.

Shǒuxiān, wǒmen lái kàn yīxià quánqiú diànzǐ shāngwù xiāofèi xíngwéi de diàochá jiéguǒ.

首先，我们来看一下全球电子商务消费行为的调查结果。

Go get them!

No speech is complete without some words of encouragement. Use the phrases below to add some "oomph" to your message.

devote oneself to intense hard work

máitóu kǔ gàn

埋头苦干

achieve brilliant success

qǔdé yuánmǎn chénggōng

取得圆满成功

In order to realize this great vision, we must devote ourselves to hard work.

Yào shíxiàn zhè měihǎo de yuàn jǐng, wǒmen zhǐyǒu máitóu kǔ gàn.

要实现这美好的愿景，我们只有埋头苦干。

Grand finale

The closing of a Chinese presentation is not only a chance to summarize main points for the audience, but also to thank special guests in attendance and exhibit modesty.

Finally, I'd like to say ...

Zuìhòu, wǒ xiǎng shuō de shì ...

最后，我想说的是 ...

I'd like to thank you all for your tremendous support in today's meeting.

Gǎnxiè nǐmen duì běn cì huìyì de dàlì zhīchí.

感谢你们对本次会议的大力支持。

I hope we are able to use this opportunity to strengthen communication.

Xīwàng wǒmen nénggòu jiè cǐ jīhuì jiāqiáng gōutōng.

希望我们能够借此机会加强沟通。

Courtesy of The World of Chinese, www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese