Couples falling apart

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(China Daily)
Updated: 2009-09-30 08:49

How high is the divorce rate among young couples born in the 1980s? Though it is different in different regions, there is a consensus that they do not take marriage as seriously as the older generations do. Behind this is the young generation's self-centeredness and lack of capability to get along with others.

The average divorce rate in urban areas is around 20 percent and it should be much higher among couples in their 20s and early 30s. The popular phrases shanhun (meaning getting married immediately after knowing each other) and shanli (to divorce in less than two years after marriage) reflect their attitude to marriage.

In the southwestern municipality of Chongqing alone, more than 1,400 couples, who divorced in the first six months this year, gave haste in getting married as the reason. They had no idea what wedlock means. It is too late when they realize that it means responsibility for each other.

Tolerance and considerateness are necessary qualities for getting along with others. And, they are particularly important for stability of a marriage. Lack of these qualities among young people is a serious problem.

Most being single children in their families, they have been spoiled by parents and grandparents. They are used to getting the best things and the most attention from their elders who dote too much on them.

Most of them don't know that loving a person means to love his or her merits and at the same time to tolerate his or her demerits. Love does not mean only to get but also, primarily, to give. If neither wants to give, it is impossible for a marriage to survive.

Investigations show that trivial matters, which people of an earlier generation would consider inconsequential, are usually cause for divorce. One young woman wanted divorce because her husband snores at night. Having difficulty in getting along with their mothers-in-law has become a major cause behind many a young woman's move for divorce.

Behind this high divorce rate is the poor ability to solve problems on their own. Divorce offers a passive and easy escape from marital problems. This is primarily because their parents never tell them that life is a process of constantly solving problems, and they never let them solve their problems on their own. As a result, they immediately seek parents' help when faced with problems. When they become independent and get married, they can ask no one for help for the problems in their marriage, and then they choose to keep away from them.

There are now some classes being conducted by experts for prospective young couples. They are taught in these classes what marriage means and how they should get along with each other and how they should react to each other when they have conflicts.

It is more than necessary for young couples to get well prepared for marriage. And it is even more important for parents to be told that they must know how to let their children learn to solve their own problems.

The ability to solve problems on their own is not only beneficial to maintaining their marriage but good for them in their job, too.

(China Daily 09/30/2009 page8)