Meaningful conversation is a rarity in Hong Kong. On buses and trams, at restaurants and parks, in dour public estates and luxury homes, families ride together, eat together, spend time together yet a veil of disengagement shrouds most interactions.

On public transport, I often come across toddlers prattling on, but their accompanying parents are inattentive; their focus is entirely absorbed by smartphones. Pediatricians and sociologists alike cannot stress enough the importance of engaging with children meaningfully, encouraging them to communicate by extending even, appropriate responses that draw out more - a two-way process that cultivates the habit of listening to others and modulating responses that respect diverse views. Listening is as important as holding forth, and conversations teach children just that from childhood. That is how empathy is built.

A child used to a lack of human responses will grow insular, learn to seek (unsurprisingly) gratification in inanimate engagements such as mobile games and such a habit of instant gratification built over the years will kill curiosity, which is known to develop a quest for knowledge and, eventually, engender worldview.

It is because Hong Kong's children are not reared to see the larger picture, not encouraged to peep outside the box they have hemmed themselves into, that they are unable to think beyond themselves. A Confucius saying reminds us: "The superior man thinks always of virtue; the common man thinks of comfort." We all know there is no virtue in routine self-absorption.

Let's take another example.

Family mealtimes should ideally be a time to cherish - small talk enhancing the flavor of good food, conversation teasing out unfamiliar nuggets of life, shared wisdom enriching shared experiences.

Yet eating out is essentially a solitary affair in Hong Kong. At random restaurants, parents are seen glued to their respective cellphones and children to their gadgets. After the menu has been perused and order placed, it would seem the need for conversation has been expended. Children literally left to their own devices forget what it is to articulate meaningfully. Conversation remains utilitarian and the art of reading between the lines stays uncultivated.

These are but vignettes of familial dysfunctionalities that extend into larger life and shape interactions therein. Little wonder then, children unused to meaningful conversations that nurture empathy will grow up to be intolerant young adults unable to respect points of view different from their own and will choose to protest violently at whim instead of carefully considering diverse stakes first. Not much different, really, from throwing a tantrum when not getting one's way.

Experts routinely speak about reforming Hong Kong's education system so the city's young people may become more personable. Is it really that simple? Is it because Hong Kong's local education system is so flawed that the local self-improvement industry is raking in billions? Not quite.

Vernacular education systems across Asia share similarities in terms of rigidity in structure, stress on rote-learning, loads of homework and a notable lack of imagination. And yet, Asian tigers have risen, tech innovations have flourished and development has progressed by leaps and bounds in the region.

Some may argue that good things happen despite and not because of undesirable elements in life. But we live in an imperfect world and every individual success or failure is a sum of all positive and negative experiences that shape character.

If Hong Kong's young people don't know how to behave themselves, perhaps Hong Kong elders need to take a hard look at themselves. Charity, after all, begins at home.

(HK Edition 01/29/2018 page8)