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Three misunderstandings in marriage today: expert
( 2003-08-19 15:10) (China.org.cn)

He Liyin, vice president of the Beijing Marriage and Family Studies Association, pointed out during the recent session of the Beijing Municipal Women¡¯s Congress that more and more young people, especially only children, show sloppiness in marriage. Some young people¡¯s marriage only lasts for a year and the shortest only kept for one hour.

The first misunderstanding: young people believe passion is love.

In many young people¡¯s mind passion is love, and marriage will end without passion. Actually, this is a misunderstanding of marriage. Research from the United States shows that passion between two lovers can only exist at most for 1,000 days.

The research also shows that there are three factors affecting marriage. They are passion, intimacy and responsibility. Responsibility is the most important tie to maintain a stable marriage. People who use passion to keep a marriage won¡¯t have a good marriage. According to He.

He explained that young couples didn¡¯t know how to deal with the psychological change from passion to responsibility after getting married. This is the reason why they get married and divorced so rashly.

The second misunderstanding: young women are hankering for the fame and gain of marriage.

It is popular for young girls to hanker after successful men. For example, some college girls discussed marriage after hearing of 23-year-old Fu Mingxia, China's Olympic diving medallist, had married 50-year-old Antony Leung, Hong Kong's wealthy financial secretary. All of the girls believed that Fu Mingxia had made a correct decision for she would live a wealthy life in the future. However, these college girls forget that Fu Mingxia is herself a successful woman.

According to He, nowadays young people enjoy comfortable lives and lack independence. Quite a lot of young women want to get fame and gain through marriage but not hard by working, just as their parents had done. Many young women would like to marry men who are more than 10 years older than them for these men can provide better living conditions.

The third misunderstanding: young people divorce rashly after little conflict.

Young couples, especially the only child of a family, have little ability to solve problems and conflicts in their marriage. Once they quarrel over little things they ask for a divorce. It is not easy for the young to maintain their relationship.

According to He, it is good for young couples, who are good at study, to have conflict. Conflict can let them know each other better and establish the best action to solve conflict.

The first year of the marriage is dangerous for it is an important period for couples to find out the best way to solve their conflicts in their marriage. Once the conflict breaks out, young couples should try to understand and respect each other¡¯s feelings and thoughts more, but not simply ask for divorce. If they do not know how to adjust their relationship in their marriage, they will come to the end of their marriage soon.

Marriage is a branch of learning. Young couples will enjoy a great marriage only by mastering knowledge about marriage. Young people should be taught how to face marriage, not only be taught about sex.

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