Homecoming can be a journey of discovery

The lure of the hometown remains strong for those who left, seeking opportunity amid pastures new. Visiting a place that we left can bring a kaleidoscope of emotions.

After staying in the capital as a beipiao (Beijing drifter), a term used for those struggling at the periphery, for nine years, singer Qin Hao announced on his Sina Weibo account on Dec 25 that he had moved back to his hometown in Southwest China's Chongqing city.

Like many who took the same journey, the 34-year-old has mixed feelings toward his hometown. He was once impatient to leave and applied to study, at 19, at Jilin Animation Institute in North China's Jilin province, far away from his hometown. He drifted in Beijing for nearly a decade.

In 2017, Qin went back to his hometown for a month to explore the relationship between himself and where he grew up. He put down his feelings on paper and took scores of photos, which are collected in a recently published book Dear Passersby.

In 2010, Qin who had tried various jobs, like illustrator, photographer and art teacher in several cities after graduating in 2009, organized a folk music band called Good Meimei with Zhang Xiaohou who worked as an engineer at that time. They then gave up their jobs and went full time into making the band a success. Their first album Spring Time, which cost only 2,000 yuan ($291) to make, sold 5,000 copies in 2012.

The songs of Good Meimei are melodious, soft and warm, a far cry from his upbringing.

"Qin sometimes recalls his childhood in an amusing tone, but nobody knows how many tears he shed and the sense of helplessness in his early life," says online message board Zhihu user Miao'er, a fervent fan. "I want to have a time travel and embrace the lonely boy."

He grew up with his grandparents in Chongqing before attending university. His parents got divorced when he was quite young. Then they formed other families and had more children, leaving them little time to take care of Qin. His mother passed away when he was 11.

His childhood memory in Chongqing is linked to uncomfortable physical feelings. "Being carsick and allergic were my abiding memories, and I always found things outdated there, which made me feel tired of the place."

The dislike may explain his unwillingness to speak in the local dialect. "Most Chongqing people are used to speaking in their dialect instead of Mandarin, but I was the one who insisted on speaking Mandarin at school and was often laughed at by others," says Qin.

After he chose to study in Jilin, his grandparents moved to Xi'an, capital of Northwest China's Shaanxi province, where Qin's aunt lived. Qin went there to spend summer and winter vacations with them every year.

Unfortunately, his grandfather died in a traffic accident in Xi'an when Qin was a sophomore. His grandmother sold their house and bought another one in Xi'an to help her recover from the grief.

In 2015, Qin's band played in the capital's Workers' Stadium, attracting 40,000 people. It marked a huge stride in the band's development. "Since the concert, I began to seriously make music my career," says Qin.

The band went from strength to strength after the concert.

Qin could then afford to rent a larger house in Beijing, and his grandmother came to live with him.

During the 2017 Chongqing trip, Qin found his view of his hometown had developed. "Although I didn't like and left it at a young age, now I find it prosperous and beautiful. After drifting for 13 years, I suddenly want to be close to it."

He also finds traces of hometown in himself, like the choice of food or a habit of speaking fast.

He is willing to give it another go. "I try to gain a sense of ownership through having my own house there, a space of my own that can nurture my spirit. I cannot afford a satisfying one in Beijing. And my grandmother says she wants to return."

After the tour, Qin gained a new understanding of his relationship with his hometown. "We may not belong to a place forever, but we can become a regular visitor of the place. I was rebellious when I was young and left it, but now I feel grateful for its influence on me."

Qin's move to Chongqing marked a new starting point in his life. His band is also welcoming a beginning with its new song Primordial Color.

"Stepping into 2020, our band has now been established for 10 years. This song opens a new chapter in our development, and we will try to make songs with new styles," says Qin.