Healing in the countryside

When their 8-year-old daughter couldn't cope with school and city life, a desperate couple found the answer in a simpler life.

Raise the Child in the Countryside is not the kind of parenting book that is written by "tiger moms" or "wolf dads", explaining their way of bringing up children to excel. It is by a mother whose daughter had problems fitting into society.

Author Feng Lili tells the story of how at first she and her husband thought there was nothing wrong with their daughter Tiantian, or themselves, and the problem was with schoolteachers. How they kept transferring their daughter to a new kindergarten - five in all - because each time the little girl felt too nervous to go. And how one month after she started primary school, they decided to keep her at home for good because she was simply too frightened by the rules and could not sleep because she said, "When the day breaks, I'll have to go to school again".

The parents quit their office jobs and became proofreaders at a publishing house so they could work from home and spend more time with their daughter. But the girl just ended up playing all night and then sleeping during the day, leaving the two desperate parents exhausted.

These "darkest days", as Feng calls them, came to an end in March 2009, when the family moved to a village in Beijing's Tongzhou district, more than 30 kilometers away from their downtown home. The idea came from their friend Qiao Yankun, an education expert who was living in the countryside for health reasons.

The living conditions in the village were not what they were used to, but they found life colorful. They grew vegetables, and raised chickens, ducks, rabbits and dogs. They even had a little goat.

But best of all were changes they noticed in 8-year-old Tiantian.

With the help of Qiao, the girl learned to cook using a wood-buring stove. She took care of the poultry and animals and washed clothes. She became interested in the wildflowers when watching the goat, and she started reading a book about plants.

Within a month, Tiantian was able to make a meal for the family independently. Soon she was able to stay at home alone and take care of herself and all the animals. She also learned to deal with disputes with her young friend next door.

The book ends in June that year, when the family leases out their home in downtown Beijing and settles down in the village.

The book, originally written as a diary, records the subtle details of village life in simple words: What they ate, what they did, what they said and what Feng thought, day by day.

When the first half of the story was published in 2013 in Duku, a popular bimonthly magazine, controversy raged among readers. Its critics complained it was unreadable and a waste of paper and their money. Those who liked it could not wait to read the second half, saying they found it enlightening and could see themselves in the story.

I admit I am one of those who liked it. Feng was a careful observer; her exquisite accounts of their daily life engage readers emotionally, and the way she describes quotidian scenes is powerful. The vivid accounts of growing vegetables, raising animals and playing in the countryside will certainly touch the hearts of people, who feel trapped in city life and are willing to pay to work on resort farms during the weekends.

As the mother of a 9-year-old girl, I was moved by the efforts the couple made to love and protect their daughter. At first, they came across as people who were not able to cope with society. Yet as the story unfolds, we realize their courage in giving up what is normally perceived as success in pursuit of their daughter's happiness.

But we also see that their love was too heavy and their overprotectiveness almost ruined the girl in the early years.

Fortunately, they had their wise counselor Qiao, whom I found to be the most interesting part of the story because she comes and goes in the family's daily life, doing simple cooking and setting simple rules.

She enlightens the couple so they correct their obsession with protecting their daughter and helps the girl gain confidence, independence and inner strength.

In the spring of 2010, Tiantian started going to a private school and in 2013, she transferred to a school in the city, where she became a student leader in the class. She will go to middle school next semester.

guoyali@chinadaily.com.cn

(China Daily Africa Weekly 06/13/2014 page25)