BERLIN - Tears and tantrums better suited for a 3 year old who hasn't had his nap. Passionate arguments even a lawyer would admire. More dives than off the Olympic platform.

After the histrionics seen at this World Cup, players ought to forget about wrangling new contracts from bigger, better teams and focus instead on their true calling: Hollywood.

Over-emoted, so-fake-they're-laughable soap operas, specifically.

"Referees are only human, and let me say players are not making their jobs more easy," said Franz Beckenbauer, the German soccer great and head of the local organizing committee. "Players just fall on the ground, roll around and try to incite the referee. This is so exaggerated now what people are simulating."

You think?

Diving has become as much a part of the game as dribbling, crosses and penalty kicks. In Portugal's loss to France in the semifinals Wednesday night, Cristiano Ronaldo went down in the penalty area trying to reach a cross, claiming he was pushed by Willy Sagnol. He begged for a penalty kick like the one France had gotten ¡ª and converted ¡ª earlier, but was rebuffed by the referee.

"Anyone who understands soccer saw that the referee wasn't fair," Ronaldo pouted.

The only problem with that argument was that Sagnol was barely close enough to touch Ronaldo, let alone take him down. Not to mention that Ronaldo, a Manchester United forward, has a reputation in England for flopping in hopes of drawing a penalty. Or that he'd already tattled on his Man U teammate Wayne Rooney, adding his two cents moments before a referee expelled Rooney from the quarterfinals.

But Ronaldo was hardly the only complainer here. If there was an All-Whiner Team, it would have to be broken down into first, second, third and fourth grades. Maybe even throw in a kindergarten division.

"Of course, any faking, any diving is not what we want to see," FIFA communications director Markus Siegler said.

Better close your eyes when World Cup replays come on, then.

Rooney yelped about getting his red card, even though he'd stomped on an opponent's groin. Aussie winger Harry Kewell spent as much time chattering at the refs as he did talking to his teammates. Germany goalkeeper Jens Lehmann was warned by the referee in the quarterfinal match against Argentina after repeatedly yapping at opponents. He even came out of his goal at one point to holler at Maxi Rodriguez, who was spending a little too long on the ground for someone whose injury wasn't exactly going to cost him a limb.

U.S. coach Bruce Arena whined about the refs every chance he got. Emmanuel Adebayor howled so much during Togo's game against Switzerland, you'd have thought he'd been the victim of a violent crime. And countless players spent several minutes on the ground, appearing to be in complete agony and in need of X rays, MRIs and every painkiller imaginable, only to get up and jog off as if nothing had happened.

"The officiating has been unfair to the players and teams. Everything you look at in terms of fouls, yellow cards and red cards is distorted," Arena said shortly after the Americans were eliminated in the first round. "These are supposed to be the best referees in the world. You bring them to the World Cup and then you tell them how to call the game. It's ridiculous.

"And I think it's created a lot of problems," he added. "I think many teams have complaints."

The biggest complaints should come from the Screen Actors Guild, which isn't getting dues from any of these guys.

Complaining wasn't the only dramatics going on. There was a whole lot of crying, by winners and losers alike. Alessandro Del Piero sobbed after Italy beat Germany to advance to the final, while Michael Ballack fought back tears as he walked around the pitch acknowledging the disappointed home fans.

"It just isn't meant to be for me," Ballack said Wednesday, still weepy one day after Germany's semifinal loss.

David Beckham might pick up an endorsement from a tissue company after barely keeping it together, first when he gimped off with a knee injury, and again when he resigned as England's captain. Diego Maradona was a puddle after most of Argentina's wins ¡ª and he didn't even play.

Then there was the celebrating, possibly the one thing this version of football has in common with its American cousin. Players can no longer simply score, they have to make a show of it. And the grander the better.

When Clint Dempsey scored the only American goal in Germany, he thumped his chest with his fist, raised his arms into the air and then ran to the corner of the field where he did a funky little dance that would make Usher proud.

"Celebrations are just a part of who I am, and its a way I can express myself," Dempsey wrote in his own unique way on his Web site. "growin up thats one of the things that attracted me to soccer. watchin players show emotions. watchin players show their passion for the game. if ur not passoniate about what u do, then y do it? ur just wastin urs and somebody else's time."

When Alberto Gilardino scored his first World Cup goal in Italy's 1-1 draw with the United States, he pretended to play a violin. After Filippo Inzaghi scored against the Czech Republic, bruising defender Gennaro Gattuso ran over to the sideline and grabbed coach Marcello Lippi's neck as if he was choking him.

"That's the unique way Rino celebrates," Lippi said then, laughing. "I bet some of you thought he was choking me."

More like auditioning for the last season of "The Sopranos."