The FBI estimates wagering on this year's World Cup Soccer will likely double the record $405.00 spent in 2002.

FBI Special Agent Arturo Sandoval said a number of events are contributing to this dramatic increase. He cited three primary reasons. The most significant factor he says is the "there's nothing better on TV to watch" conundrum. Sandoval said, "Husbands can either fix the screen door on the trailer or watch soccer so it's kind of a no-brainer".

Second he said was the soaring rate of illegal aliens entering this country. Sandoval predicts the number of soccer fans will exceed NASCAR fans within the next three years.

The third reason he cites is the "fake injuries". People who follow professional wrestling have fallen in love with players who can act like they've received a life threatening injury only to get up and run like the wind. He calls this a lousy Christian trait known in the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) as the Lazarus phenomenon.

Sandoval ended his comments with, "Yes, more money was spent wagering on the sex of the Jolie/Pitt baby but it's work on this or go and help on the border."

Soccer aficionados say that since pre tournament favorite Argentina lost five of their starters in a pillow fight with some kids at a Berlin orphanage public relations event it's now anyone's tournament. "Ve vent offder der bolos to help zee German team", said 28 year old Heinrich Zueffel, one of the so-called orphans.

Meanwhile, Senator John Kerry has introduced a resolution praising the German government for their ability to maintain peace in a sports venue known for its hooliganism.

In the U.S. House Congressman Murtha said he admired the U.S. team's performance. "They cut, they ran, and they didn't win. They're all champions to me!" said Murtha.

Murtha did call for an investigation into the behavior of two U.S. players who he was told did not play fair when they intentionally kicked that funny looking ball out of bounds. "You do that crap in NFL, NBA, or MLB and you'll get a red, err yellow, err card, or flag or something", said Murtha. When Murtha spelled soccer, 's-o-c-k-h-e-r'. his request for an investigation was denied in a hail of laughter not seen since Sen. McCain smoked one of Clinton's cigars.