A recent survey by a university in Hong Kong found that local people tend to hate others whether they are at work or in school.

Are the people of Hong Kong becoming impatient and less tolerant? Are their interpersonal relations deteriorating? Are children in the city getting irritable and snappy?

Experts have warned that serious family and social problems may arise if the people of Hong Kong are unable to find ways to better handle their interpersonal relations.

Among the respondents, 22.7 percent said they hated their classmates the most. About one-fifth of those interviewed said their friends were the most loathsome and 18.7 percent said they hated their workmates the most. The survey's results showed the top three most-hated people were classmates (27.9 percent), workmates (22 percent) and friends (11.7 percent).

Close to half of the respondents said they would not be reconciled to others after a tiff, while 38 percent of respondents said they had interpersonal conflicts in the previous month. Of them, about 30 percent said they had a disagreement with family members, followed by friends (25.5 percent) and workmates (17.3 percent). At home, 21.4 percent said the disputes were mostly about housework, misplaced household items, or quarrels over the use of the TV or computer.

Increasing stress, whether at work or in school, is perhaps the reason local people are becoming less tolerant.

In this age of cutthroat competition, employers are piling on the pressure and more people are becoming victims of work-related stress.

True, people often fret and fume during work that involves long hours, high pressure and constant deadlines. But with better communication at work, an attitude readjustment and a few relaxation techniques, one can get through the day. This is the key to better interpersonal relationships.

One must try to relax, exercise or spend time with friends and family without thoughts of work creeping in. If one finds it difficult to handle the avalanche of work, an attitude adjustment may help overcome the problem. If one is hardworking, there will always be more work to do than one can finish. So, to avoid stress, one must concentrate on work that's a priority.

If the situation cannot be resolved, it should never be allowed to rule our lives. Some people spend time trying to resolve situations that should never have been allowed to get on top of them. Sometimes we have to ignore, learn to accept or walk away from situations that are beyond our control.

Why do so many Hong Kong children hate their classmates?

The family environment always influences a child. A youngster who is brought up in a happy family tends to grow up to be a well-adjusted child - this is reflected in his or her behavior. On the other hand, a child in a hostile environment cannot handle their emotions and is likely to be more irritable. Domestic disturbance affects the child's mental well-being, with the youngster becoming less tolerant toward others either at home or in school.

Parents also must not transfer anxieties and tension to their children. Today's children are worrying excessively as a result of their parents putting pressure on them. As children fail to cope with the pressure to perform, they fear parental wrath. This means that the child will always be on edge and stressed. This also reflects on the child's dealing with others.

Needless to say, forbearance and fortitude are great virtues. Let's make serious efforts to instill in our children these virtues so that they can better handle their emotions.

E-mail: zouhr@chinadaily.com.hk

(China Daily 04/27/2007 page10)