The mother apparently didn't lock her son in a suitcase to cause him any bodily harm. On the contrary, she wanted to protect him. At least that's what she said on the day the tragedy unfolded in Hong Kong last week. She returned to her flat an hour later and unlocked the suitcase, only to find that the 10-year-old had stopped breathing.

Panic set in, and she called her husband and the police. The boy was rushed to hospital, but he slipped into a coma and died a couple of days later. Both parents were arrested and appeared in court. They face a joint charge of murder.

How could a mother do that to her own child? How could she lock a 10-year-old in a suitcase? How much stress had the boy caused his parents that they had resorted to such a punishment? Hong Kong is still trying to find answers to these and other tough questions.

Parents today, especially those in cities, seem obsessed with what they think is good for their children. They try to get them the best education and anything else they need to make them a success. They want their children not only to emulate them, but also to exceed them.

Where does all this leave the child?

It's true that children have to have education. It's also true that parents, teachers and elders have to teach them to differentiate good from bad, right from wrong. But do we always do this? Or, do we try to fashion them on the models we think are right for a better life? Unfortunately, more often than not the latter seems to be the case.

The result is that children hardly get to enjoy their childhood and what comes with it. Heavy homework (there are of course exceptions), the pain of trying to excel in class and a hectic schedule of all the right things to do in a day leave today's children no time to do what comes naturally to them. They spend most of the time confined to the four walls of their homes, where the only two possible things they can indulge in are television and computers.

The fact is we don't really think about our kids. Every toy, every gadget, every book, every food, every piece of clothing and every sport apparently made for children today is done so with the express aim of making a profit. Children are brought up wearing the straightjacket we make for them even before they are born, and in many cases become troublesome like the ill-fated 10-year-old.

But isn't a child naturally supposed to be naughty? Do we really believe that all the great men and women the world has seen were studious and staid in their teens?

In trying to make a model child, parents seem to have brought tremendous pressure upon themselves, too. We saw the extreme example of what that pressure could lead to in Hong Kong last week.

The situation across the world, including the mainland, is not much different.

It's sad that "submissiveness" is too often considered a positive trait in a child. And many parents still believe in the adage: spare the rod and spoil the child.

But only those children who grow up getting the respect of others will become citizens who respect others.

It's time for us to think what we should do to bring fun and dignity back to our children's lives.

A Whitney Houston song perhaps best illustrates what we ought to be doing: "I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be."

Email: zouhr@chinadaily.com.hk

(China Daily 02/24/2006 page4)