Don't let distance be a barrier
By Wu Wencong (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-09-06 10:57
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I have been planning to write a comment about long-distance relationships for a month but each time the plan gets postponed because I spend most of my private time chatting with my boyfriend, online.
Yes, we are among those in a long-distance relationship, and have been for more than two years.
Most of my friends react by saying: "Wow! Good for you! I could never imagine myself being engaged in a long-distance relationship." The point is, me neither, at least not before I knew I could do it.
In fact, I doubt anyone would start a relationship and then leave for another city or country on purpose. We are separated from our sweethearts simply because we have more pursuits in life than love; and this is no excuse.
The distance between us during the first year we were apart is astonishing enough for most people - more than 9,000 km while I was doing a master's degree in London and he was working in Shanghai.
They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but, believe me, separation with seven hours' time difference (six in summer) for a whole year sucks.
During the first month in London, uneasiness brought by the unfamiliar British accent and loneliness being in a strange place made me emotional and irritable.
I know very well that the biggest challenge faced by long-distance couples is the reduced time they have for communication and I feared that issue would push us apart not only physically but psychologically - together with my growing temper.
So, I decided to find time to chat every day and was more than happy to see he was willing to devote the same amount of time.
But it was no easy task with the time difference. I had classes to attend when he was back home from work; and he was in sweet dream land when I was free after school.
After two weeks, we had finally worked out a timetable that meant both of us had to shorten our sleep time by about two hours to talk about the interesting things that happened to us that day.
The schedule was not easy to follow for a whole year but we made it work and developed the habit of chatting every day.
Now, there is no time difference separating us and we are only parted by the 1,000 km between Beijing and Shanghai.
I would never encourage my friends to start a long-distance relationship but I also don't think distance is insurmountable, based on my experience.
I feel as if my boyfriend and I had never been apart emotionally because we share every twist and turn in each other's life.
To me, what decides whether a relationship will survive is the time both people are prepared to devote to it, however long the distance is. And I know the year of depleted sleep was worth it.
Even if the couple lives together, time dedicated to communication with each other is also the best nutrition for their love. Being apart simply means transforming face-to-face conversation into online chat, with a bit of time arrangement needed sometimes.
Now, I still chat with my boyfriend online or by phone for about two hours every day. The distance between us has been shortened eight times from when I was in London, but we haven't shortened the time we devote to each other. The only difference is we can now just hop on a plane when we miss each other so much and we are together sooner, with cheaper tickets and without the need for a visa.
My mom always grumbles that we waste too much time on the phone and in front of the Web cam. She believes that if the two of us were living in the same city, we could save at least two hours every day for "more meaningful stuff".
I just smile at her because I believe that, to keep a relationship alive and thriving, no matter what the distance, time spent on communicating is never wasted.