Trying to stay afloat in a pool of clinging spandex
By Joseph Christian (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-08-10 09:19
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There is no doubt that swimming can cause its fair share of thrills and dangers, but I never thought that I would say that of a swimsuit.
Maybe for a supermodel or muscular sports star, wearing a swimsuit can cause a stir, but I am far from being either. That is why it has always puzzled me as to why I get so much attention when I wear a swimsuit in China.
My christening into the world of Chinese swimsuits occurred a number of years ago in Beijing's neighboring city, Tianjin.
In spite of the fact that the changing room was merely a vast room of naked males, nearly everyone's attention was focused on me. As I sat down and carefully removed my shoes and shirt I could see the inquisitive eyes of young children inspecting me. Why was this foreigner not getting naked? Why wasn't he taking off his shorts to slip into a nice spandex suit? As I walked out I felt as if my presence was like some huge magnet for the imagination.
When I got out into the swimming area, two teenage boys were drawn to my unique presence.
They huddled together as compatriots, laughing and pointing at my baggy swim shorts. I tried my best to ignore them but as I walked by, one tugged at his own skin-tight spandex and let it snap against his skinny body. The message was clear I was the odd one out because I wasn't wearing Speedo.
In America, males don't wear skin-tight swimwear unless they are swimming competitively. It's just no in, it's not comfortable. But, in China, skin-tight swimsuits that resemble something like mutated cycling shorts are all the rage.
They are so much the rage it seems like you can't swim without them. One day, a Chinese friend and I visited a local pool near my house. Because it was in the evening, the pool was not overcrowded and I was looking forward to swimming a few lengths without running into a bobbing head ever few feet.
Sadly for me, my excited mood was quickly deflated by an overzealous pool manager. I stood at the edge of the deep end and tested the water's temperature with my foot. I squared my shoulders and poised myself for a nice little spring dive. I was ready to feel the cool water rush over me instead, all I got was an old man yelling at me.
The pool manager was definitely old school, which in swimsuit terms means that anything other than spandex was not going to get into his pool.
"You need to change!" he yelled at me in Chinese. "You can't wear shorts in the pool, it's not acceptable!"
I tried in vain to explain to him I was not wearing normal shorts but he wouldn't believe me. I tried to move to another part of the pool to get in, but he was right on my tracks. I moved to jump into the pool; he grabbed my arm.
"No! You need to change!" He yelled as his face contorted in anger.
Luckily for me my Chinese friend saw my plight and quickly defused the situation. But it wasn't easy. For nearly 10 minutes, he was locked in debate with the old pool manager as to the legitimacy of my swimwear.
"Tell that foreigner to change!" the old man kept yelling at my friend.
"But that is what they wear to swim in America, he is not wearing normal shorts," my friend tried to explain.
"Americans ... why do they always have to be different," the old man scolded.
Finally, a compromise was reached. I could wear my strange swim shorts but I could only jump into the pool if I wore a swim cap. As long as I didn't have to put any creepy biker shorts on it was fine with me. I grabbed a swimming cap, slapped it on my head and jumped in the pool.
Of course, things would have been easier if I would just wear some spandex, but there are certain things you just can't adjust too. Food, language, culture believe me they are the easy part.
Luckily for me, things are changing in China. As the years go by and thanks to the coolness of surfing, swimming shorts or trunks are becoming more popular in China.
They still are not the most common, but you do see people wearing them.
I can't tell you how relieved I was to see this. Maybe, next time, I won't be the only one wearing those strange evil swimming shorts. Perhaps, next time, I won't get laughed at for not wanting to display every curve of my manhood. Maybe I am just prudish, but I just don't like the restricting nature of spandex.
Whatever the case might be, I am all for more diversity in swimsuit options in China.