Family
Hungry for love
By Yi Ling and Gui Juan (China Daily)
Updated: 2009-11-17 10:46
The couple hoped that the sons would understand that their parents' leaving was necessary. They thought their going away would also sharpen the boys' independence. But Fang was still too young and wanted his parents to be by his side, all the time.
"My brother and I often asked them on the phone when they would come home. They usually repeated that we would be letting them down if we didn't study hard," complains Fang. "They rarely asked how we felt about their leaving."
Xie is ashamed that her sons see her as neglectful and uncaring. She suffered the pain of being called an "irresponsible mother" when her sons often mistakenly called her "granny" as they spent their first summer vacation with them in Zhejiang.
"But what can I do? Other children in our village live the same life," says Xie.
The Fang brothers are now spending their last year at Luoshan High School and preparing for the college entrance examination in June of 2010. They board at school and have a day off to see their grandparents, a 90-minute ride away.
"He is no doubt more mature than his peers. He is quiet, cautious and patient. These qualities are often seen in other left-behind children," says Fang's teacher Wang Shihai. She notes that nearly 20 percent of the almost 6,000 students in the school are left-behind children.
"I often hide from strangers and seldom talk about my worries with others," Fang says. "My brother is even more withdrawn, and more hassled by studies. He has grown gray hair already."
Independent researcher Ruan Mei has closely observed the lives of these children. She spent four years interviewing more than 3,000 left-behind children in the six major migrant worker-exporting provinces of Sichuan, Shaanxi, Hunan, Hubei, Anhui and Henan. She just wrote a book entitled Pains of the Century: Investigation into China's Left-behind Children.
"The reality is astonishingly painful. What concerns me is how ignorant we are of the pains of these children. They grow up on their own," says the former reporter of the Huarong Newspaper, based in Huarong county of Hunan province.
The 44-year-old says two suicide cases of left-behind children inspired her to look into the issue four years ago. "A boy committed suicide for being a failure in school and another girl drowned herself after becoming pregnant. Many such cases, including rape and murder, also appeared in my investigation."
"But the most serious problem that the children face concerns their psychology. More than 40 percent of my child interviewees are obviously impaired," she says.
More than 16 percent of the children thought their parents didn't love them and more than 80 percent said they felt insecure.
The left-behind children usually have very low self-esteem, are oversensitive, and don't get along with others. Many hide their emotions and pretend to be happy.
The "left-behind children" issue has attracted the attention of the government. A special team, led by the State Council, was set up to establish a long-term strategy to protect the legitimate rights and interests of left-behind children through laws and regulations.
In addition, some local governments have provided left-behind children an allowance to meet the costs of living and medical care, while the Ministry of Education has built and renovated more than 10,000 boarding schools in central and western China to ensure that the children receive an appropriate education.
Ruan suggests that family education should be added in the vocational training programs for migrant workers - teach them how to communicate with and educate their children. Psychology courses and psychologists should be introduced in schools.
"Regular letters from their parents and chats with teachers are the best remedy," says Ruan.
Xie Kui'e went back to Luoshan in June to take care of her sons till they were through with the college entrance examinations. She rented a flat downtown and sent meals to the two boys every day.
Even as she worries about how to meet the boys' college education expenses, she hopes her being there will help the boys concentrate in their studies.
Her return is a great encouragement for Fang, who said his happiest moments were having lunch with his brother and mother. "Now I have people to talk to about my troubles and worries. I feel supported," he says.
Xie and Fang have different pictures of the future. Xie hopes she can support her two sons while they finish their college education. Next she will renovate their house. Fang dreams of studying economics at university and going back to apply that knowledge to develop his hometown after graduation.
"That's when nobody will need to leave home to earn money. And there will be no left-behind children anymore," he says.
