Every once in a while I find a discussion thread on social media forums about the possible consequences of hiring a foreign domestic helper (FDH) girlfriend as one's live-in maid. Instances of foreign maids finding love and subsequently raising a family in Hong Kong are not that rare. And yet such queries by men wishing to take their relationship with an FDH to the next level are met with skepticism. People who respond to such posts are, almost always, concerned on behalf of the man rather than the maid, although stakes are equally high on both sides.

Ostensibly, a man asking the foreign maid he has been dating to move in with him belongs in the realm of a Cinderella story. Maids living in space-constrained apartments in a foreign country, expected to do the employer's bidding round-the-clock, are likely less-than-ecstatic about their situation even when placed with the most liberal-minded of homes. They could be forgiven for thinking of a man who offers to liberate them from a life of servitude as no less than a knight in shining armor.

Unfortunately, a few monsters stand in the way of what could be a fairytale romance. Not wishing to wait until the maid's job contract runs out before moving in together could be particularly problematic. The moment a foreign maid quits her job she forfeits her right to live in Hong Kong. An FDH breaking her contract with an employer in order to be "hired" by her boyfriend may not be able to have her papers processed for "re-employment" within the 14-day window allowed to jobless foreign maids to secure a new position. Going back to the home country and applying to be "employed" by one's boyfriend might alert the sensors of immigration department officials. A broken contract is a blot on one's career history, and if immigration authorities sense the real motive they might reject the visa application outright.

Assuming the maid in question completes her term with her current employer and is "hired" by her boyfriend, it could be the beginning of a discomfiting power dynamic. Cynics might say the man is paying the woman to sleep with him. Not paying her a salary would be flouting the rules. Paying her is equally dubious. If one takes the romance out of the picture this doesn't look much different from "compensated dating", which is borderline prostitution.

Even when she's with the most caring and respectful of men, the status of an FDH who is dependent on her boyfriend for her upkeep and her right of residence in Hong Kong is on extremely shaky grounds. What if they split as a couple and the woman is still under contract? This will open up a Pandora's box of abuses, not least of which are the emotional trauma of being legally bound to serve a former boyfriend, who might have met someone else in the meantime. On the flip side, a disgruntled or scheming FDH could sue her boyfriend-employer for sexual harassment.

Blame it on the policy that does not give foreign domestic workers a right of residence after seven years of work in Hong Kong - a privilege most expats in white-collar jobs are entitled to. Also not being allowed to live outside the employer's home could be a stumbling block for many independent-spirited FDHs who wouldn't necessarily want to depend on a boyfriend just because they like him. Arista Devi, a talented photographer and writer from Indonesia who works as a maid in Hong Kong, tells me some of her friends in the same profession have dug in their heels and refused to move in with the men they were dating until they were married.

Indeed if two people wanted to be with each other badly enough, marrying shouldn't be that difficult a step to take. However, those not ready to take that step yet, or ever, for that matter, might have strong, genuine affection for each other as well and probably deserve a shot at trying to make a relationship work.

Recently, Hong Kong's Secretary for Labour and Welfare Law Chi-kwong said in 30 years the city will need a 600,000-strong FDH workforce to care for its steadily multiplying elderly population. Maybe it's time to revisit the policy on the residential status of foreign maids in Hong Kong. If we want more of them here when we need them, we should be ready to allow them greater freedom of choice.

(HK Edition 02/05/2018 page9)