At ComicCon in July, disaster maestro Roland Emmerich (The Day After Tomorrow) explained the roots of his obsession with mayhem as stemming from his connection to those films' characters. "As a kid I saw The Towering Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure, and they were my favorite movies... because there were real people in there. They didn't have special talents. Because I didn't have much talent, I felt very drawn to these people." (Feel free to take the comment about a lack of talent however you wish.)

To that end he has topped himself with 2012, likely to go down in history as the mother of all disaster flicks. Emmerich could be taking a stab at commenting on the human instinct for survival, the inequalities that reveal themselves during disasters, and the struggles of "real" people. Drama, despite his childhood influences, remains outside his purview.

A wonky Mayan myth provides the framework for the story here (in the way his Independence Day was rooted in the "reality" of Area 51) and in a first, Emmerich goes full steam with an inclusive world view. Never once do Brits wonder, "Where the hell are the Americans?" But ultimately, who cares? No one's going to see 2012 for emotional enlightenment. It's all about destruction. When the first of the cataclysms hits at about forty-five minutes into the film it just never stops, depending on where you sit on the sliding scale of disaster flick enjoyment this is either giddily thrilling or it's unnecessary wallowing in misery that ends with a pounding headache. 2012 is aggressively bombastic and over the top right until the end credit roll which is accompanied by American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert's bombastic, over-the-top warbling.

Emmerich and co-writer Harald Kloser (AVP, 10,000 BC), stick to the playbook they've mastered over the last few years: A bizarre crisis occurs (aliens invade, ice age strikes, radioactive monster awakens), landmarks are obliterated, a fiery clarion call by a respected leader (meaning, idealized American president) inspires the masses, children and household pets are imperiled, the traditional family structure is reaffirmed, and a scrappy survivor proves that if you keep your back to an explosion, you'll be fine.

We begin in 2009, when an Indian scientist makes a shocking discovery about solar flares heating the earth's core (!) and confirms what the Mayans predicted: The stars will align to give the earth a global facelift and turn Everest into an anthill in three years. Tipping off the G8 and President Wilson (Danny Glover) and preparing for a massive evacuation of the world's great art, known animal species, and rich people are idealistic scientist Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and venal White House aide Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt).

The plan is to house civilization in arks that would make Noah himself envious and which look remarkably like the Battlestar Galactica. Our empathetic survivors include divorcees Jackson and Kate Curtis (John Cusack and Amanda Peet), their two children-in-peril, her boyfriend/moving target Gordon, Jackson's wealthy employer Yuri, his twin brats, his young plastic girlfriend Tamara, and pilot/supermodel Sasha. They're trying to locate one of said arks after learning of them from the resident conspiracy nut, pirate radio broadcaster Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson).

There isn't a single unique element to 2012 and it's populated by characters given to either righteous indignation or that action-movie favorite: pluck. The cast does its best to sell some ridiculous dialog ("The crust is shifting sooner than we expected!"), and Ejiofor does an admirable job of humanizing the untethered Helmsley. Ironically, Emmerich and Kloser seem to have mined Hollywood and not the real world for ideas on what the rest of "us" are about. All Russians are called Yuri and Sasha. Of course the German chancellor is imperious, the French president aloof and the Canadian prime minister nearly invisible (wait... that's actually true). And naturally the Chinese are only laborers and soldiers. It's amazing how simultaneously inclusive and clueless Emmerich can be.

2012's real stars are the reported $260 million budget and its army of effects technicians. The nuttiness on display here is truly mind-boggling. Whacked-out mythology and pseudo-science aside, Emmerich has outdone himself in the white-knuckled near-miss department. Who knew a stretch limo, a Winnebago, and a behemoth Antonov cargo plane handled like Formula One Ferraris? Or that a plastic surgeon with limited flying hours could thread the needle between crumbling buildings with a commuter jet. Or that conspicuous supermarket consumption could save your life. The detail and creativity rendered in the chaos are spectacular.

Regardless of how brazenly loopy it all is, Emmerich delivers the goods, bettering his antecedents and raising the calamity bar (all the best parts are not in the trailer). Emmerich has stated that 2012 will be his last disaster movie, so he's exiting on a high note. He's hoping to move on to an adaptation of Isaac Asimov's Foundation series, which could be construed as a whole new kind of disaster.

2012 opened in Hong Kong Thursday.

(HK Edition 11/14/2009 page4)