Life coach unlocks secret to happiness
By Steven Chen (China Daily)
Updated: 2006-02-08 11:49

HONG KONG: Throughout history, men and women in troubled times have gone in search of spiritual and personal enlightenment and found it in the guise of any number of human and metaphysical forms.

In a metropolis like Hong Kong, more and more residents lead stressful lives and have tried to find a new zest for living with the help of a professional life coach. [China Daily]

In Hinduism and Buddhism, there have been the swami and the guru, in Greece, the mentor and in the West, in physical and literary form, the teacher and sage.

Times and priorities have changed. In today's fast-paced society, the modern guide comes in a new form that of a personal development or life coach.

But unlike teachers of the past, or today's other mentors, a life coach does not give out the secrets to happiness, but instead unlocks the potential that resides in anyone to live a fulfilling life by getting them to take charge, says a local expert.

"Life coaching is about getting someone to take action, to get what they want out of life," says John Lamont, a development coach and principal of I-D Coaching.

"The answers to a happy life are inside everyone, and I believe each one of us instinctively knows what we want and need to do to be satisfied in life. It is just a matter of bringing it out."

During coaching, which takes place over a period of months to even a year or more, coach and client meet at regular intervals, to discuss, devise strategies and report on progress towards goals that have been generated by the client, he says.

"As a life coach, I don't tell clients what to do," he explains. "I help them see the possibilities and the positives, and we set out steps that the client has created in consultation with me. There is no one fixed way to do anything, but by coming from the client, the steps to achieving goals suit the person and their way of life. They are then easier to take."

He adds that his role is to help identify personal goals, develop the steps to achieving those goals, and then guide the client in getting out there and doing them."

The root cause of an unfulfilled life, he says, is a modern existence that puts us in a never-ending cycle of work with little rest.

"It is because of the lives we lead. People today are too busy. They work many hours a week, and they have too many things to do, so other important things get left out," he says.

"Rarely do people get time to sit down and really think about what they want out of life, and the steps necessary to take them there. Then they lack the drive to go out and do them."

Consequently, he says people instead lead "reactive" lives.

"That is, they only take action in response to things that happen to them they look for a new job when they lose their old one, they look after their health only after they've been sick and they 'wait' for things to happen."

He says a common goal is to change careers, or find a boyfriend or girlfriend. "People think if they wait long enough, love will just come along," he says.

"But with life coaching, a person takes steps it may be calling up friends to get introductions, joining in activities to widen social contacts, even joining a dating agency. These may not all succeed, but by increasing social activity, you are increasing your chances of reaching your goal."

Bonnie Chan agrees with this principle.

"We live in a world of so much information and in society, it is easy to become confused. Life coaching helps the individual clarify their wants, needs and values," says Chan, president of Hong Kong's Coaching Community, a leading association of coaching professionals.

"Coaching's main function is to identify areas that need 'improvement,' and we help individuals empower themselves by helping them decide what action to take, and then being there as they take it."

Lamont, who previously worked in human resources consulting and recruitment before becoming a coach and opening up I-D in 2002, says the principles of running an effective business can equally apply to personal development.

"Just as a company has different departments accounting, communications, sales which need to function effectively for the business to do well, we can see life as comprising 'departments' as well," he says.

"We have career, family, relationships, finances then there may be other areas in which people have goals but never pursue, like education or improving health. If you can have achievement in each of these areas, you could be considered as enjoying a good life."

If the lessons learned and the benefits derived from life coaching sound like homespun advice, plain common sense easily dispensed by mothers and best friends over coffee, it is because they are, says Lamont.

"That is the whole point. If these strategies and steps weren't straightforward and easy to grasp, people wouldn't do them. But a life coach helps a client identify his goals and stays with the client until those goals are achieved."

In a typical partnership, he says he might meet a client once a week, and has to discuss and report to him about his progress towards his goals.

"I may set tasks for the client to complete. But I am not judgmental. I do not tell the client what to do. The client figures it out with my help, and I monitor him till he does it," he says. "And I offer alternatives. What suits one person may not suit another. So clients learn how to see different ways to achieve their objectives."

Perhaps the most important asset that a life coach brings to the table is a unique perspective, says Lamont.

"Just like a business partner, a life coach advises and helps his partner move forward. But I am not a client's best friend, relative, husband or boss. I don't have an 'agenda' that I bring to the relationship. This means as your coach, I don't need to be polite or avoid telling you things to please you or not hurt your feelings. So I can be objective. I can tell you where you are doing well and where you are not."

He says that just like a business partner, he cares about a client's life and success.

"A life coach brings honesty and a commitment to be solely interested in helping his clients achieve their goals," he says. "How easy is it to find someone who is willing to meet with you and is totally focused on helping you do what is best for you? Such a relationship is not easy to find."

So with a seemingly sure-fire way to happiness within reach, why isn't everyone living a rewarding life?

Ways to a fruitful life

"Everybody has the answers within them, I believe," says Lamont. "But they just don't get out and do it. We live in a society that is based on conformity. We need to fit in with people. We have rules which everyone must follow.

"This can dampen a sense of initiative make us reluctant to step out of the boundaries around us. So whether by social conditioning or having busy lives, people often do not go out and get what they want."

And with the image of a life coach being that of a well-dressed adviser, dispensing wisdom to equally well-dressed executives, Lamont, whose client list includes groups and high-profile executives from leading local and international companies, admits that the perception of a coach is one outside the needs of the ordinary worker, housewife or student.

"But this isn't so," he insists. "Life coaching can benefit anyone and the principles that are applied to achieve goals can apply to everyone. What is different is the goals themselves."

At around HK$750 to HK$800 per session for individuals and even more for corporate groups, the cost of a life coach may be too high for many people, something which Lamont admits does explain the greater proportion of his client base which is made up of cashed up professionals.

However, that may change, says Chan, whose community boasts 40 experienced coaches.

"We started with 20 in 2002, but this is growing steadily. With more local coaching courses and interest in coaching on the rise, there will be many more coaches available in the coming years. Increasing competition should drive down prices."

As for the notion that distinct local or Chinese values call for a different approach to personal fulfilment, it is simply "not true," says Lamont.

"I've found no matter what the person's background is, when it comes to happiness, underneath the surface, people have similar goals.

"It is assumed locals are more reserved and timid and not wanting to speak out. But in a private conversation, they can be very open. Hong Kong is a busy city and culturally, people may not feel they can discuss their goals with friends or family, so saying what is on their mind is not something that locals would get a chance to do."

Because of this, he says "life coaching can be a great benefit."