(cityweekend.com.cn)
Updated: 2008-03-31 16:20

I saw a commercial the other day while in the U.S.: A little boy is eating an Oreo cookie. Next you see his dad, also eating an Oreo. While it seems that the father and son are in the same room, in reality they are sharing this Oreo over the Internet via webcam. Fittingly, through the window of the dad's hotel room is a view of the Bund in Shanghai.

Work in Shanghai often means lots of traveling for dads, for days or even weeks at at time. It's not easy for dads to transition back into an already established routine that mom and kids carry on with while he is away. Often they feel like a visitor in their own home when they return since Mom tries to lessen Dad's burden by taking charge of tasks and errands themselves. But instead of helping, this actually ends up harming dads by taking away any opportunity for them to spend some quality time with their kids.

New dad Luca Toscani travels internationally on business and understands the careful balancing act many dads in Shanghai face. “We set rules, while avoiding rigidity and allowing exceptions,” explains Toscani. He and his wife divide tasks to ensure he has some time to bond with the baby. For example, Dad is in charge of baths and nighttime bottle feeds. Incorporating a role for Dad into your daily schedule will ensure that Dad has some quality time in your child's day. Jimmy Chen, father of three children ages 6, 4, and 3 months old, manages work and family by “stay[ing] as active and involved while in town–day in and day out. This way, when you do come back, you are already in touch with what's going on.” For dads with older kids, their role is not as task oriented. Chen advises these dads to “try to unwind before you get home” so you're ready to talk to your kids when you're back. Chen also advises moms to not “get on their husbands case and take over the situation if they make a mistake. This creates negative feelings within the husband and gives him an excuse not to get involved.”

I, too, often think that it's just easier if I do all the taking-care-of-the-baby myself. But I've learned that if I don't leave any space for Dad in the day, Dad just gets left out. Often dads spend more time in airports than at home, but taking a few simple extra steps can make life much easier for dads–and in the end the whole family.