(That's Shanghai)
Updated: 2007-12-10 11:00

Da Lang Tao Sha, a five-floor mega-spa on a neglected stretch of Guilin Lu, is brash, disconcerting and gloriously kitsch.

Imagine a holistic version of the Bund sightseeing tunnel, without the tourists and the misery. The experience begins at the single-sex spas on the ground floor, which are just RMB 69 to enter. The male area is a Vegas-style take on Zen featuring shimmering Technicolor lighting, a giant pyramid, abundant vegetation and small cages filled with twittering budgies.

As well as a bewildering array of water jets, there's a pool where thousands of fish nibble at your dead skin (more unnerving than pleasurable), a mud pool, an exfoliating salt room and a jade room (a steam room with a salubrious smell).

The women's spa is similar, but without the fish. Once clothed in regulation palm tree patterned pajamas, you can go upstairs and enjoy a good but overpriced massage (RMB 199 for an hour's half-body massage) from a suspiciously pretty girl in one of the hundreds of low-lit rooms. Better to have a foot massage (RMB 79) while watching your choice of videos: a bizarre Chinese musical or a lackluster Filipino band playing Ricky Martin covers. There's also a good all-you-can-eat buffet (RMB 69) that includes a range of entertainment-a belly dancer, a violinist and a karaoke star. If money is no object, try the quieter but more expensive a la carte restaurant.

Toby Skinner Shanghai Da Lang Tao Sha
Location: 588 Guilin Lu
Tel: 021-64088888