Pen pals enjoy life in the slow lane

Handwritten letters relieve the stresses and strains of modern life

Despite having a number of communication apps on their phones, many young people prefer sending handwritten letters to express themselves and relieve mental stress.

Instant messaging usually requires an immediate response, leaving little time for thinking. This form of correspondence increases efficiency, but also anxiety－one of the reasons people seek a pen pal.

The social media platform Douban, and Slowchat, a time-lapse social platform, are among the sites where pen pals can be found to exchange letters offline. Most of those registering to become pen pals are in the 20 to 30 age group.

Those seeking pen pals leave messages such as: "I just want to find a little slowness in this fast-paced world"; "I find it hard to catch up with the times"; and "Handwritten letters give me a sense of occasion and romance."

The messages also state that a slow pace of life is a luxury in a technological world.

Data from the State Post Bureau show that fewer people are communicating by physical mail. In 2012, the bureau handled 7.07 billion items of mail, while last year, the figure dropped to 1.1 billion.

Pen pals do not know each other in real life, so in addition to a common desire for a slower form of communication, trust and sincerity are required.

Li Liuxi, a 26-year-old single mother from Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province, recently found a pen pal on Douban. Li used to work as a property agent, but is now preparing for the post-graduate entrance exam. She chatted with each candidate online to see if they were suitable to be a pen pal.

In her "pen pal wanted" notice, she said that due to the complex relationship between the novel's characters, she had not finished reading One Hundred Years of Solitude by the Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez, which Li started three years ago.

She made the comment to express her personal taste, in the hope of finding someone who shared her thoughts. However, she received a message from one pen pal applicant, who said he had read the novel within three days.

"It doesn't matter whether you are a fast or slow reader. I could never become a pen pal with such an arrogant person like him," Li said.

Later, she found someone she feels is sincere, after holding several online chats with him.

"He is humble. Although he majored in science, he told me that the truth about the universe is far out of reach, and he is afraid that he may not live up to his major. His words struck a chord with me, because I have the same opinion," Li said. She always wants to find someone to discuss subjects such as quantum mechanics and math.

"But I don't want to talk too much about physics, for example, with my friends in case they consider me to be impractical," she said. "I am also afraid that when I seek solace, they may be unable to provide the right words. Writing things down is different, as reading written words can relieve my pressure.

"I am also trying to quit my mobile phone addiction. After watching short videos, my mind seems to be controlled by the apps that recommend content to me.

"I needed to switch my focus to real life, so I started writing calligraphy and doing painting."

Li has yet to start writing to her pen pal, but she is anticipating "a wonderful journey" by doing so.

"Corresponding with my pen pal will be fantastic, as he may discuss something that I know nothing about," she said. "However, our relationship has nothing to do with friendship, kinship or romance."

Regular correspondents

Si Youhui, 27, a clerk from Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu province, has six regular pen pals, and it usually takes her half a day or more to write to them from a library during weekends.

"Written words can help me look back when I am old by noting what I thought and experienced when I was younger," she said.

Each month, Si and her pen pals exchange about four letters. Due to COVID-19, mail has been delayed, so she sends her pen pals photos of letters she has written to them.

She writes about what she sees and experiences in her neighborhood during morning exercise. In her letters, she also explains her passion for reading and writing.

Her pen pals echo her emotions in their letters and give her some comfort. They also tell her about their daily lives.

"I didn't set out to find male pen pals in my age group, but purely by chance my correspondents are men in their 30s, who write good calligraphy," she said.

One pen pal impressed Si the most with his free and easy lifestyle. He lives in Weifang, Shandong province, and excels at handwriting and painting.

"My pen pals tell me how I should cope with setbacks and boredom at work," she said.

Si, who requires her pen pals to be sincere and reliable, rejected some she thought did not possess these qualities.

"I am disappointed sometimes when I do not receive any response after toiling for a long time writing letters to console and comfort my pen pals. However, I won't give up, in the hope that some day they may reply," she said.

Serious approach

A 22-year-old man from Kunming, capital of Yunnan province, said his pen pals must take such correspondence seriously.

"I don't care who the letter writer is, only if he or she is genuine. I don't want anything else from them except for that quality," said the man, who only gave his surname of Xu.

He said he is always looking for the chance to express his emotions in handwritten letters, adding, "Finding a pen pal gives me the opportunity to state what's on my mind."

Since finding a student in Beijing as a pen pal on Slowchat, Xu has exchanged handwritten letters with her for more than six months.

"She helped me get through a hard time, reassuring me that a pen pal is the best listener," Xu said.

He was recently promoted to be in charge of dozens of people at his company in Beijing, but he said he does not have any management skills.

"I used to criticize my team members all the time because I didn't think they met my standards. None of them liked me, so they stopped working hard and refused to listen to me," Xu said.

In one letter, he wrote that his pen pal, Gao Xing, recommended a novel titled Gabai Granny, which depicts a grandmother's cheerful outlook on life.

"I gained strength from this book, which cheered me up. I talked privately with my team members and accepted their suggestions," he said.

Xu said he admires Gao's passion for life. "She has a sharp eye for every little thing in daily life, including the breeze, grassland, chickens and ducks in the countryside. She also has good friends on campus, and I can tell she wants her life to go in a certain direction," he said.

Gao, a 19-year-old student, said writing letters adds spice to her life.

"It is always a surprise to receive a handwritten letter. I used to want to take notes of anything of interest that I saw, but never had the chance. Having a pen pal encourages me to do this. Sharing also makes me more open-minded," she said.

Xu said: "I am lucky to find Gao, but it's hard to say whether we will be friends in real life in the future. I am even nervous about having her WeChat details.

"I want to keep a comfortable distance from her, and I am afraid to meet her in person. Anonymity gives me a sense of security."