Facing the hard truths promotes empathy

This was a difficult article to write. Abortion is a highly charged topic. I spent days researching.

Wading through religious rhetoric, political machinations and fearmongering headlines, it seemed each point lead to a thousand others.

What I found was cognitive dissonance.

I spent most of my life as a moderate and liberal conservative Christian. I was happy to have my opinions, but I left the religious and political arguments to people I felt were more qualified than I to discuss certain topics. Why, after all, would the church or religious media like Focus on the Family fabricate information? And how could so many of the highly intelligent, sincerely compassionate people I know believe it if it wasn't true?

Because when you start with a religious premise you believe in your heart of hearts to be a universal truth established by God, everything has to point to that. Anything outside that perceived truth is "secular and misguided" at best, "demons attacking our nation" at worst.

What this did was keep me from truly listening to the very real and lived experiences of women who were going through, or had gone through, the abortion process. It kept me from the very real and wide-ranging negative societal consequences that studies and experts have confirmed again and again.

This is a multifaceted issue, because it does not occur in a vacuum. It is not as simple as, "abortion is murder," or, "every life is precious". We all exist within a system. When we, in essence, force women to stay pregnant and carry a baby to term, we are placing greater weight on potential life than lived life. If we believe we are doing the Lord's work, we have to overlook or oversimplify the fact that this nonsentient, (usually) nonviable, (usually) unfeeling, unthinking "being "causes sentient, living, thinking, feeling women, families and society a lot of harm.

Once you start to concede that removing (or severely restricting) a women's right to choose does broad harm, the cognitive dissonance begins. Uncomfortable questions arise about the veracity of the "facts", "solutions" and "evils" that had been presented to you. And you start to wonder why your faith seems to be the one vying, not for freedom of expression, but for dominance. This is an uncomfortable process. The possibility that your faith－all that you ground your truth and being in－might be false, or incorrect in some manner, is often incomprehensible to many.

But I encourage you to listen. Truly listen to those who are upset and hurting. I'm not asking that you renounce your faith, but I am asking that you look outside it. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, so to speak. And see if that doesn't expand your capacity for compassion.

For myself, I am ashamed. I am ashamed that my former religious views are being weaponized against women. I am ashamed that I disconnected, instead of speaking up. I am ashamed that I didn't do even a little research outside my insulated bubble. I'm ashamed that I wasn't as safe a person to confide in as I want to be. In instances like this, intent is irrelevant. The impact is what matters. My inaction is part of this negative, toxic impact. I am sorry, and I will do better.

I have waded through my cognitive dissonance. I believe I am a better-informed, more compassionate person now. And I am speaking up.

Contact the writer at stepahnie@chinadaily.com.cn