Living abroad increases capacity for compassion

How do people live in a country for years and not learn the language? I'd heard of such people and, if I'm completely honest, I judged them. Then, the time came for me to move to China and I resolved I wouldn't waste my opportunity as some others had. No, I would become a near-native speaker! Surely, immersing myself in the culture is the holy grail of language learning. I was destined for success! Needless to say, I had lofty aspirations.

After two years, I'm embarrassed to report that I've not made significant progress. Despite living in a country where, by far, the predominant language is Mandarin, despite working mostly with Chinese colleagues, despite having Chinese friends who offer to help me, despite knowing it would be a boon to my career, and enrich my experience in China, despite all these things, I simply don't make the time.

Why, though? How is it possible? Well, life is so gosh darn interesting and fast-paced in Beijing that I get caught up doing anything and everything else. In the hustle and bustle of balancing work, personal time, friends, creative projects and experiencing all that Beijing has to offer, language learning gets deprioritized, becoming an "I'll start on Monday" resolution that is never fully realized.

One would think that living in a foreign country would practically force you to learn the language, but it's more complex than that. First, when your job is to use your native language, the majority of your day isn't spent in and around Mandarin language material. Second, socially, like attracts like and you will, inevitably, gravitate toward those with a common language and common culture. Every expat does this to a greater or lesser extent, it's human nature. And let's not forget that we live in the glorious era of translation apps. Yes, it is easy indeed to go about the majority of your day and not hear or need to use much Mandarin at all.

That said, there are definitely times when the language barrier is exactly that. Trips to the bank, shopping, interviews and meetings at work, and travel would go much more smoothly if I spoke Mandarin. As it is, my reliance on apps and other people can be a crutch and an inconvenience. Not everyone is patient, and even I get frustrated with the back-and-forth process of trying to make myself understood.

On the other side of the coin, it must be acknowledged that learning a new language takes time. A lot of dedicated, consistent time. While I have some basic conversational skills, to reach a level of proficiency that would allow me to speak on abstract concepts such as art and philosophy, finances, business and the like in a truly meaningful way takes years. When you're in the thick of your full-time job, exploring a new country, devoting time to your hobbies, and nurturing the relationships around you, squeezing in time for dedicated language learning can be a challenge.

Is it an impossible task? No. Have others succeeded at it? Yes. But my point in this article is that from an outside, bird's-eye view things can seem very black and white. You choose to make time or you don't. You work hard or you're lazy. This either-or, pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps mentality is very reductive. It assumes people are all the same in their abilities, temperaments, personalities and drives. It assumes a moral high ground and declares that there is a "right" way to go about life and that anything that deviates is a character flaw.

It is humbling to be in a country where you are, to a degree, reliant on the kindness of those around you. At the very least, reliant on the technology around you. It has taught me how to abandon my assumptions about how people "should" interact with the world. In short, it has increased my capacity for compassion. In a world that is often polarized by issues of immigration and accommodating of minority groups, we could all stand to be a little more humble and a little more compassionate.