Being happy with what you have

Denmark can teach us about feeling content

Today in any Chinese city, such as Chengdu, Xi'an, or Luoyang, it is common to hear Westerners ordering food in fluent Mandarin and to see waiters taking their order without surprise.

In European cities such as Lyon, Birmingham or Hamburg, it is also normal to see Chinese people speaking the local language fluently to the bartender and the bartender not being bewildered. Forty years ago, if a non-Asian foreigner had shown up at a restaurant in China, I can almost guarantee you there would be a group of people surrounding him, staring out of curiosity.

In terms of social psychology, having a language through which to interact with each other is a crucial first step of communication. However, to truly understand each other, language is only part of the picture. We have to open our minds to understand other people's culture with respect, along with the social values, critical thinking and life philosophy behind it.

One way of learning about others is through education. It used to be that few students went overseas to learn. But decades after Europe and China established diplomatic relations, Chinese students have become a significant component of Europe's higher education landscape. The number of Chinese students studying in Europe keeps rising. These students have blended in on campus, in their local communities and wider society. Their understanding of European culture goes beyond complex table settings and the common phrases heard in movies, just as young European students realized long ago that not all Chinese do martial arts like Bruce Lee.

I have spent the last two decades researching and teaching on education and the pursuit of happiness. In doing my research, one European country that impressed me is Denmark.

My husband and I paid a short visit to Denmark in 2013, to find out what the children from the nation ranked by the UN's World Happiness Report as "the happiest country in the world" had been taught. My focus was whether a person had the ability to feel happiness. Even if someone were presented with happiness, he would not notice it if he didn't have the ability to feel it. I was curious as to why, out of all the developed countries that value social welfare, Danish people were the happiest.

Although it wasn't a long stay, I was confident about coming to a conclusion since I had a clear direction of research.

When asked why they were happy, almost all the Danish people I spoke to gave the same answer. They had lower expectations. They don't expect to have much, to live a luxurious life or to achieve too much, which is why they are satisfied with and are more appreciative of what they have.

I know their answers sound a bit disappointing - it seems like a lack of ambition - but if we put some thought into it, it begins to make more sense. If we focus too much on what we don't have, we end up failing to notice what exists in our lives, and that way we lose the ability to perceive happiness. Furthermore if we always felt something was missing, it would be hard to find peace of mind and genuinely appreciate ourselves.

My husband and I saw a men's clothing store holding a sale, so I went and picked out some high quality coats and cardigans for both my husband and son. When I arrived at the cashier's desk to pay, I saw a sales associate, the only one on the shift at the time, patiently helping an old couple browsing through the clearance rack for sweaters. After the old couple left without purchasing anything, the sales associate came back and rang up my sale with a smile on his face. Back in China, this sales associate would probably be criticized for not knowing his priorities, but I stood there and felt complete respect for him. I respect him for respecting his customers, for his work attitude, and for respecting himself.

You don't see a lot of cars on the streets of Copenhagen - people mostly ride bikes or walk. They move slowly, so I reckon that they breathe much slower as well.

On the other hand, the Western world pays great attention on developing children's intellectual skills through color. I've found that, especially in Denmark, they emphasize the importance of allowing children to discover their potential by playing around with colors, which I absolutely agree with and relate to on many levels. Aside from encouraging children to get to know colors, preschools also focus on the development of children's movement, left and right cerebral hemisphere balance, and ways of solving problems, hoping to stimulate their minds.

I have profound respect for the education system in Europe and sincerely hope that young people in China and Europe will be able to participate in academic exchanges as a way of enhancing mutual understanding.

The author is a bestselling writer.

(China Daily European Weekly 05/01/2015 page9)